u/Complete-Mortgage168

i appreciate everything you have done for me, whether it was genuine or not. i try not to assume if it was real or not because none of your actions have ever met your words. i was genuinely happy in those moments when it seemed real on your end. if im being honest i think you were always texting other girls here and there the whole time you were with me. maybe even (redacted). maybe you were just using me to see if you could finally sustain something. i do feel like maybe (redacted) understands you more and is willing to let you walk all over her. that was never the case for me. i just thought you wouldn’t choose to walk all over me and trusted you over and over again even though you showed me multiple times that i shouldn’t. if i’m being honest i wish i never met you. this was the most traumatic thing ive experienced since my childhood and is something i wish i could have avoided. i would never want to be someone’s guinea pig. whether that was your intention or not, that’s what it was. you wonder why i never had a relationship? because i don’t want to be left or be hurt. my biggest fear is rejection and feeling unwanted. i trusted that you would be good to me. i can’t put all of the blame on you. i had a part in this too. i chose to forgive you time and time again. i just need to finally let you go and accept you will never change and you will always treat me this way. it does me make sad you continue to be this way. it is nice to experience genuine love and i hope you work on yourself so you eventually can. maybe your guilt was eating you alive the longer you were with me. maybe you need a person who you can hide your past from. even though i “dug” and you hurt me, and knew the real you, i still chose to accept that and love you anyways. that was my mistake because you’d rather hide instead. in another life i wish you could have loved me back the way i loved you. i loved you with everything in me. and you didn’t deserve my love or me in general. it pains me that i showed you the most vulnerable parts of myself, i regret it all.