Ex pwBPD broke no contact again, trauma loop kicked in, now she wants to hook up. Help!
What I’m about to share may seem very obvious, even writing it out is telling me what I should and shouldn’t do. I know better. But I’m still here in this mess.
Context: my ex and I dated for almost a year. 4 discards after splits. Last one was in January. Classic BPD partner. Lovebombing, best sex ever, huge mood swings, narcissistic, super intelligent, also super impulsive. Also I’m 40 and she’s 36. We each have a kid from a previous marriage.
We broke up because I was in a bad mental place myself (had just lost my job). I went into a dark place and blocked her, deleted messages. Reached out like a month later and she was extremely cold - like I was a stranger. I reached out once again just to check on her since my best friend dates her sister and I heard she wasn’t doing well. Again, cold.
She came with them to my bday some time ago. Awkward. We didn’t really mingle, I was doing my thing and I wanted to be respectful.
Recently she messages me from a new number. I was surprised. Old one is just for business now. Fine. I told her I’d probably do the same.
Without getting into details, we got to talking about my friend and her sister being a little too nosy into our business, which impacted our relationship and hers with her sister. Felt kinda like a breakthrough for each of us individually. She was still kinda cold, saying she regretted reaching out and is confused.
I told her that she should just be genuine and do whatever she actually wants, not what she thinks she should do in a perfect world (sound familiar right?).
We talked for a couple hours more and she tells me about her cycle, says an innuendo, and I took the bait. We always had our best sex when she was ovulating, I mean like 10 orgasms in a single day kinda sex. I mean the kind where I need to use a healing cream for days afterward (guy). Well, it activated everything for me - especially when she said, I’m not sure what day we can meet, but it should be soon before the hormones go back to normal.
I said let’s see, but didn’t really commit. She said she wanted to go to bed, she got work in the morning. Then she said she wanted me there, and asked me what I remember from our “box.” I bit and said something. Said good night shortly after.
So yeah, could use someone to steer me straight, give different angles to this. I can see casual sex happening, and going back to no contact. I can see it not happening and just be talk. I can see it happening and her acting more confusingly. I can see us getting back together.