I (female 50's) have a friend (male 60's) who I've known for 35 years (strictly platonic). We live in different states but have kept in regular contact for the last 30 years. Last year, his wife left him, and that's when my friendship to him became his only avenue for venting his anger. He would call me daily, and for hours, he would cry, rage, and threaten to kill himself over his wife leaving him. This went on for months.
I finally pushed back and tried to talk him into seeing a therapist. He refused. I asked him repeatedly to stop venting his anger to me. The mental and emotional toll his calls had taken on me led ME to start taking anti depressants. After months of refusing to either get a therapist or stop venting to me, I told him I can't be your venting outlet anymore and I needed to step back.
He continued to email, call, text me about his divorce, his ex-wife and talk about ending his life. It's all he talked about. I never responded, and I finally blocked him. After 8 months of no contact from me, he recently reached out and apologized for his behavior last year. I accepted his apology and reminded him why I blocked him to begin with.
He almost immediately began to flood me with emails and text messages venting about his ex-wife and the divorce. I reminded him AGAIN, "I can not be an outlet for you to vent your anger about your divorce." He replied with 7 bullet point multiple paragraphs, detailing the various reasons he is angry at his ex-wife.
Adice I need:
Should I go back to blocking him? Should I just let him vent at the expense of my mental health? Should I end our friendship permanently and never speak to him again? I value the friendship we had BEFORE his divorce but I haven't had that friend in over a year.
He refuses to listen to any advice I give him and just wants me to listen, for hours, to him bash his ex-wife.
I'm curious:
What causes someone to be so one-sided in a friendship? Why do some people refuse to respect boundaries? Am I reading too much into his behavior?
He told me the reason his wife left him is because he didn't listen, he didn't respect her boundaries, he would steamroll every conversation, and he was emotionally abusive. I feel like I'm seeing what she went through.