Hi everyone,
I am in my late 30s- as well as BPD I also have learning difficulities and I am just done with people.
I have a friend who I have known for years. She lives about two hours away from me by train. She never asks to visit me, but visits other people and most of the time she is down to go clubbing with her friends (I am too old and tired to do that plus I dont live near any of the clubs she attends) I visit her like once or twice a year. I didnt get invited to her birthday activity last year, she asked to meet me in the evening though but by the time she got to the bar- it was almost 11pm and I needed to get home due to it being late and me having a cat to feed and take care of. For my birthday last year, she said she couldnt come down for a gig I was going to, when I was on my way to the gig she asked me if my birthday gig was at this random bar we go to as she was travelling down to go there.
I have noticed online friends and women on dating apps do this to. I message first and I lead the conversation always, its like pulling teeth. Theres this one 'friend' in particular I have been talking to for a few months. I have mentioned meeting up but due to her not messaging me first or asking to make a plan in advance I can tell she doesnt seem bothered about meeting me. She said she would let me know when travels to my city, she is there right now with her friends and didnt tell me (I found out through instagram)
But yeah, I am sick of people not putting in any effort (platonically and romantically) and feeling like people dont give a shit. Its not just online. I have tried befriending a woman I met at a gig and as usual, I am the only one to send messages, asking her if theres any gigs she is going to or interested in, she answers but doesnt show any interest in having an actual conversation with me. I always feel like I am bothering people and I hate it 🥲🥲🥲