u/Competitive_Yam2314

I’m almost 34 and teeter between wanting to be a mother and wanting to keep my life as is.

I’m worried about depression, burnout and being constantly overwhelmed due to my ADHD and whacked out hormones. I don’t want to mother like my mother did. I also know I would inevitably compare myself to my neuro typical friends with children believing myself to be too unequipped, too selfish and too moody to be a mother.

If you are willing to share, I would like to hear some unfiltered, honest experiences of motherhood, why you chose motherhood or why you did not. Any advice at all

More context: I recently had a faintly positive test two days ago while my husband and I were not trying. Two months ago I moved to Scotland from the US to be with him, landed a job and we were just getting back on our feet financially after the 5 figure move. The next 6 tests were negative but I would be very, very early. I read some extremely messed up reviews about the first pregnancy test kit I used giving false positives however I still have several pregnancy symptoms. I’m battling with a lot of feelings as a result— I love where I am in life and the laidback lifestyle we have in Scotland.

I moved to the UK to be with my husband 2 months ago. I’ve been feeling nauseous after eating all weekend so I took a pregnancy test and it’s positive. I’m due to fly back to the US on Tuesday to photograph my last wedding there (I was a wedding photographer). I do not have US healthcare and I accidentally got pregnant on BC 2 years ago with my husband and it ended up being ectopic.

I am terrified to miscarry in the US or have another ectopic.
I’m roughly 3 1/2 weeks so very very early.

I’m trying to get travel health insurance but it’s too close. I’m going to call tomorrow first thing

Any advice at all

33, PCOS, hypothyroidism, 5 ft 1 160 lbs

I (f33) moved from the US to Scotland 6 weeks ago to be with my husband. We currently live by the coast in Fife with an absolute steal of a home with 3 cats, 1 car.

I somehow managed to get a decent paying job 3 weeks after moving over that lets me work remote while I’m in the US visiting family. £30k plus profit sharing. Husband just moved back to Scotland after living in France and then splitting his time with me in the US. Secured a lower paying job in his prior field at £36k

The extortionate visa fees, moving fees and an unexpected catastrophic pipe burst in the basement of my house that I’m renting out in the US has nearly depleted my emergency fund. I also got wrecked on my self-employment taxes this year and had to pay an unaccounted for $5k. My husband is basically starting over as well.

How long after a move of this scale did you feel like you were finally back on your feet again financially? Emotionally? Spiritually? Or did we do it wrong

When I turned 30 I blew my whole life up. I knew deep, deep in my gut I was not where I was supposed to be. I felt so numb besides that constant gnawing feeling that this was meant to be someone else’s life. Not mine. No matter how much I wished it to be.

In the 3 years since then I met my husband, we got married, and I moved to Scotland to be with him. I left my photography business and took a laid back office job here. I adopted and moved several cats — all very big, big changes.

Since I’ve arrived I’ve had several very surreal moments of Déjá vu/ dream sequences. I distinctly remember dreaming up these very minor daily events and they were so vivid I told my then partner about them. For example, I dreamt about choosing a rug at TK Maxx, sitting in my now favorite pub watching the rain, sitting by the beach painting a castle, chatting with my two specific coworkers while typing an order. All things I’ve experienced and KNEW I’ve seen before.

I think I dreamt about these moments years ago.

Hell. Two years ago I got drunk and moved my dating app location to Edinburgh a month before a trip to visit friends I made on my first trip there. I woke up to hundreds of matches but saw my husband’s face and JUST KNEW. I knew enough that he was the only one I matched with and I wrote it down in my journal because it felt that monumental. That night I dreamt we’d own a house together in the highlands and run a b&b.

I’ve never really discussed this with anyone because it sounds so utterly batshit insane but what does it mean to have this many moments you’ve distinctly dreamt about before?

** immediately sorry for the heading typo

All throughout my 20s and early 30s I ran a successful photography business in the states making 6 figures. I got burned out, tired of the overconsumption, and faking enthusiasm at weddings while my first marriage fell apart.

I met my now husband a few years later and collectively we decided to move to Scotland where he was from.

We bought an affordable house, moved my pets over, and in 3 weeks I secured a decently paid job with very little stress and great coworkers that I genuinely enjoy hanging out with even outside of work. We sell dessert catering so I eat artisanal chocolate every day. Like heaven.

That hustle that carried me throughout my US life is gone. I see my friends exceeding in high-stress, high-paying careers but my soul is so beyond content with where I am at right now. I have slow mornings, walk to work past the beach, and go home to eat with my husband on breaks. We spend our off time walking into town where we’ve grown a community and visit new towns in Fife. I will even go down the road and paint by the seaside castle near us (I’m not making this up—Scotland is unreal). I’ve never felt or looked better. I can also work my UK office job remotely while I’m in the US visiting family because I’m working with US clients. I can’t make myself start the hustle again by becoming self-employed. I also cannot fathom going back to school for a position that’s more high-achieving.

Could I just be… happy? Is it so wrong at 33 to just slow down and settle in?

Maybe my soul is tired from so many changes in 4 years.

Is it so bad to just coast and enjoy the little things this early in my life? I truly want for nothing right now and it makes me feel like something is wrong. I fear that may be the American conditioning.