I’m a 21 year old girl in college. I have never been in a relationship. This didn’t use to bother me, I have always felt like I would find my person in time. Nobody cared about me in middle school, nobody invited me to school dances in high school, guys don’t talk to me at bars or anywhere else. I used to think there was something wrong with me because I must not be pretty enough, smart enough, kind enough, funny enough, ect. Finally I became happy and content with myself and was okay being single and alone until I went on a date this week.
During my freshman year of college this guy started acting interested in me and would get me to sleep at his place but wouldn’t ever take me on a date even when I told him that’s what I wanted. He always made me feel silly for wanting to be in a relationship before being physically intimate with someone and always made me feel uncomfortable. I wanted to go on dates and be exclusive but he didn’t. I liked the attention and wasn’t used to guys looking at me but all he wanted was to sleep with me and that wasn’t going to happen. We kissed one time and it was the worst feeling and experience of my life. Eventually I found out he had been seeing multiple other girls and they were actually giving him what he wanted which really messed me up for a while because I couldn’t understand why he couldn’t be honest.
I started using hinge and tinder at the beginning of my sophomore year and would go on first dates every so often but I was always so underwhelmed and uninterested so there was never a second date with anyone. Again, I was so okay being single and enjoyed being alone I just knew that one day I would find someone who made me not want to be alone.
This week I went on the best date of my life. We were at the restaurant for over 3 hours until I noticed the time because we had been talking and laughing without paying attention to anything else. I have NEVER clicked like that with someone in my entire life. We have the same sense of humor, political and religious beliefs, and basic values. I don’t even joke around with my friends the way I was with him after only a few hours. I was so comfortable and having so much fun. For the first time in my entire life I wanted to see a guy again. At the end of the night he was asking about my schedule, telling me he wanted to see me again and making plans, and then we texted the entire rest of the night. The next day my head and jaw hurt from laughing and smiling so much the night before. For the rest of the week we texted almost non stop about so many things. I finally saw the possibility of a relationship with someone.
This morning I texted him to see when he wanted to hang out again. Instead of coming up with plans he started apologizing and told me that this was the first date he’d been on in a long time, he thought he would be ready for a relationship but isn’t, he loved talking to me and was so sorry because he thought he was ready. I told him that he’s the first person I’ve ever met that I wanted to see again and that I don’t want to rush into anything but that I understood that didn’t matter.
I’m just so hurt. I don’t know if I did something and he’s letting me down easy but this is so much worse than anything I’ve ever experienced romantically. I thought we were on the same page and enjoyed each other in the same way but I guess not. I have never in my life enjoyed being around someone so much and I just cannot believe this isn’t even going to be a second date. It has taken me years to find one person I actually liked and he either doesn’t feel the same or isn’t ready. I am 21 years old and have kissed one guy, one time, never had sex and never even been on a second date. I feel like everyone is moving on around me and I’m just stuck getting left behind. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I have been crying all day after only knowing this guy a week and that’s so pathetic. I want to text him and I want to see him. I already miss talking to him after a week.
I feel like things would be different if we met 3-6 months from now and I’m so mad we didn’t. I know he’s not ready but I’m okay waiting just to see if this can go anywhere. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know why I cannot get anyone to like me or want to date me. There has to be something wrong with me. I love love and everyone around me is in relationships other than me. I deleted all my dating apps because this is hurting me so bad. Any advice on how to get over this or thoughts on why nobody wants me would be appreciated. I’m convinced I’ll die alone and a virgin
TLDR: went on an amazing first date, feelings reciprocated until he realized he debt ready for a relationship and now I’m crushed