Complicated Relationship (FWB) with person with BPD.
(This is not a throw away account, I just don't really use reddit but need some assistance from people with lived experience so created an account to get some advice)
Hello,
I am trying to get some advice or input on my FWB relationship with a couple, one of them has BPD. I have experience dealing with BPD with my family and friends but I'm concerned about her.
My concern is if this is healthy for her. She very much seems to be interested in me and the relationship, however I have read a lot about this type of relationship being difficult due to the non-committal nature, which I think is leading into some splitting. When we are together, she is very into me, sometimes it seems a little more than friendship but I don't know if that's me over-analyzing the situation. However, she barely texts (in our group chat) and relies on him to text me all the time. Sometimes I think she looks at the text and tells him to respond because she cant or doesn't want to but is constantly worried about them ghosting me. Sometimes him and I text separately if shes not doing well, which I know isn't healthy for her, so we went back to the group text so shes not concerned about ghosting.
She has been in these types of relationships before. However, the last couple they were with dumped her, only her (he didn't continue the relationship). I feel like that could have been a trigger for her and she may be concerned about me leaving/ abandoning her or only wanting her partner, the same way the other couple did.
I also, before knowing about the BPD, had been speaking to them about someone else we all knew who has BPD and was manipulating me. I was a little critical about that person and their BPD in front of her, which could have lead to some insecurities about how I would feel about her BPD and if she was struggling. When she told me, I apologized and tried to reassure her that I wasn't going anywhere and I have of a problem with someone who is untreated and unwilling to get treatment, not someone who is actively trying to get help.
I don't want to lose either of them, we are friends outside of the sexual relationship and I am committed to being there for both of them. However, I wonder if this is the right type of relationship for her.
I've been reading Poly is actually really helpful for people with BPD because they are not relying on one person to meet their needs. I'm thinking (even if not with me) if they want to continue with ethical non-monogamous relationships, this might be better for them. I haven't really considered Poly until this point, and honestly not sure how either of them feels for sure but I am looking for some insight into what other people have experienced.
Has anyone had experience with FWB or Poly relationships with someone with BPD?