It is almost 5am and I barely have my paper done. Sometimes I get these sudden realizations that I am so disconnected with myself. I feel like I barely recognize myself. I also feel like I have so much I think I want to do but no energy or motivation to do it. I avoid thinking or doing anything I used to enjoy.
I distract myself with alcohol or mindless activities. I think that since I’ve felt like this for so long and kept saying that I have more time to get things right, it almost feels like it’ll never happen. I avoid doing things because I think i’ll mess it up again. I genuinely do not quite know how to describe what I am feeling but I have felt very strange for the last few months and wanted to see if anyone else had anything similar going on.
I am still in college and have so many things I want to do but right now it seems impossible to function with adhd. I have never understood how people just live their day to day lives to easily. Has anyone else felt like this and made it out to the other side? Gotta get that love for life back. I do not think I have been able to sit alone with my thoughts for like 3 months and even doing laundry is impossible. I haven’t even gone one semester (I am a junior) without saving my final paper until last minute and staying up for three nights straight.
Even if I try to think about getting back to myself and my life, I feel like an imposter. Like even if I change, i’ll always feel like this version of myself that has never had it together. but genuinely everything seems kinda bleak and difficult and right now it feels like i’ll never be happy or get my shit together or even have motivation to do the stuff i want to do.
Anyways I should probably get back to my work but just needed to mindlessly ramble and vent with like no sleep! Never made reddit post b4 woohoo 🙌 if anyone got any guidance or words of wisdom that would be very much appreciated