We regularly try to have sex on the weekend nights because we have children and people working in the home specific hours as well. So we’ll plan for intimacy on a specific night. And the problem with that is, sometimes as soon as we hop in the shower, he begins acting weird. For background info, I am 35 weeks pregnant, I know he hasn’t quit and is active in his addiction, and I don’t monitor him or try to even talk about stuff really.
Sometimes he just acts weird and when we get to the bedroom will turn on the TV or YouTube. So I will take that as he does not want to have sex and roll over and go to sleep. Last night, however, he started making all of these mean comments. About my weight with the pregnancy. He seemed annoyed I was in the shower with him. Which is whatever. But when I told him, hey, yeah, this is a bit odd what are you doing? He said he was just being funny. He continued to say mean things.
I didn’t want to pay $48 for a coaching call just to ask a therapist what skills to use to navigate that so I hopped on a call in my car with a friend who’s only advice was “idk men are weird sometimes.” My Pa SAYS he wants to have intimacy. But he acts like he doesn’t. Sometimes we are fully capable of having normal connected sex. I don’t know whats going on he’s not a mean person. He doesn’t usually make comments like this.
Of course he’s talking to hella other women. Whatever. I just need advice from someone who’s been doing this a long time. What would the boundary with that be? I ended up simply saying, when we were on the bed and he again made a mean comment about my pregnancy weight, ok you SAY you want to have sex, but you are acting like you never want to have sex again, and he defended it by saying he was just being funny again. I just groaned and we had sex. It seemed fine.
I just don’t know what boundary to set or to possibly say when he’s acting like this. Something reasonable. I know he’s talking to other women. I know he probably is resentful and angry to some extent. I know he probably doesn’t want to have sex when he does this. I just don’t know what to do or say that would be mature and right in this scenario because he seems to be giving sex on demand or ok with things. Nothing coercive is happening although I wish he would communicate about this.
He’s not a self aware person very communicative and at best you’ll get a “I don’t know. I haven’t thought of that.” He’s smart though. And usually NOT mean. I want to emphasize that. Not a lot of PIED but some amount of issues with intimacy and of course avoidance.