Internship rescinded - always somehow mess up interviews and jobs
Hello, long time listener first time caller.
I, like most ND’s, have lived a very nonlinear unorthodox life. After high school I didn’t go to university like literally everyone else in my life. I moved out of state and pursued a career in the entertainment industry. After about ten years with some successes and many failures - I found i deeply loved writing and film but kept finding myself pigeon-holed into assistant and other low level positions. But what I really wanted to do is write and direct and have my hands in the creative side.
So, being unsure as to how best to navigate pursuing this and finding my real place in the industry, I decided to go to college and get my degree. Now, in my 30’s I’m a student at one of the most prestigious universities in the world but I’m still struggling so much to find my place.
Again like basically all of us, I’ve had a very tumultuous job history. Sometimes I’m a star employee, and others I struggle immensely to keep up with the social necessities and adhering to a 9-5 schedule even when there is no work to be done (but you still have to drive into the office and sit there, and yes this is at a major entertainment studio)
I have “low level needs” and mask quite intensely, but I also crash really intensely and I’ve never done well in arbitrary hierarchical structures.
Now, at school I recently interviewed for an internship with a production company that is completely in line with my type of work, specifically run by two alums from my school. The first interview went so well, incredibly well even. I then was set up to talk in person with the director about the project.
Here is where things get messy.
We met in person at a busy coffee shop. This completely threw me off because my auditory processing is so awful I cannot really have important conversations when other people are talking around me. Plus the added layer of music on in the background is even more difficult.
During the interview I mentioned the specific role that the first interviewer told me about for the internship. The director then told me “that’s not how we’re going to break up roles” so that totally threw me off because they seemed to be on very different pages so I had no true grasp on what it is they were wanting from me.
The original job posting was also totally different to what each of them mentioned they were specifically looking for. So now I’m a total mess and confused.
They asked me what area im interested in being in - so I tell them, but I elaborate and say I’m not picky and am happy to work in any area of the production. Literally. But I say I’m interested in also learning more about a specific area and would like to be in proximity to those conversations if possible but this isn’t a deal breaker if it’s not possible.
I accidentally drank a smoothie that had tons of B12 in it, and if any of you also have Slow COMT then you know how terrible b12 can be. So essentially I felt like i drank 3 coffees and was wired and extremely over stimulated.
During the interview, I’m an over stimulated mess and had some trouble communicating over the noise - so we step outside to get away from the noise.
Then the conversation gets good and I was super open and honest with them about my interest in the project and my career in general, and they were in return and we chatted for over an hour. I thought it ended up really well. We even hugged at the end.
2 days later, the head of the project emails me and tells me I got the position and they’re so excited for me to be on the team. Hooray (I thought!!)
So I accept the position and wait for the contract. She then emails me and asks to talk on the phone again.
So we get on the phone and she tells me that the director relayed that I was completely disinterested in the role and now they need to find alignment” - so I explained my perspective and that I mostly was so excited to be working on a project that is so aligned with my interest and find mentor-like guidance within the specific field im in. (This is an internship only for the summer)
This completely set her off. She became so irritated and said “the word mentorship gives me an allergic reaction and i have no extra time to be thinking about you and this role so this is not the right fit” and fired me before I could even start.
I feel so bamboozled (and disrespected to an extent) of course I’m looking for mentorship and since when is that a bad thing? This is an internship and she’s an alum from my uni. But I also know that the role is a job and has expectations, I was just also hoping to connect with people who are doing what I want to be doing because I don’t really know how to get there from where I am.
I know it’s only an internship but I wept over it for two days. I feel like they kicked me right in the groin - but I still don’t even know what they actually wanted from me. And this is such a recurring theme for me. I’m supposed to magically know what people want even when they don’t seem to know or can’t articulate it properly, yet I’m expected to be able to??
In my interview experiences I almost always get to the final round. I meet with the CEO or the founder or director or something. And sometimes I get the job, but so so so often there’s some random nitpick thing that they’ll say to explain why they didn’t select me and it’s always personality related or something small that I said. I have noticed that if I interview with men, I usually get the job. If i interview with women, I don’t. I’m a woman.
This all just makes me so sick inside and I never want to deal with people ever again. I worked so hard to get into the school I’m at and thought it would open so many doors, but here again I’m kicked in the nuts and I just hate my brain sometimes. I’m so smart but cannot win at the personality contest.