u/CommercialTie8588

I just turned 17 last Friday and I’m realizing how much of my teenage years I’ve wasted on this disorder. I’ve never been in a relationship or even had someone like being around me. I’ve lost all my friends and had to drop out of highschool because of all the treatment programs that I’ve been in and got removed from. My family has given up and just lets me binge/purge because they know I won’t stop. I’m so miserable I can’t believe what I’ve done to myself

My psychiatrist, therapist, and doctors have all diagnosed me with anorexia because of a low bmi. I binge and purge 5-6 times a day, spend hundreds of dollars a week on binge food and eat over 8000 calories a day. Every treatment program I’ve been to they just try to get me to eat large amounts of food and idk why they are under the impression that I just don’t eat. Nobody believes I binge because of my weight, I showed my therapist pictures of my binges and she told me that they look like I made it with AI and I’m just trying to fool people into making them think that I’m eating and in reality im starving myself. Wtfff???

My binges have been getting worse and worse and after I binge my stomach expands so much that I can’t breathe. If there comes a day that I’m not able to purge I will not survive it

The first time I ever binged and purged I was 12, I turn 17 on Friday. I’ve been kicked out of multiple treatment programs and have been dropped by 4 different therapists due to not getting better. I had to switch to virtual school because I couldn’t keep up with going in person everyday, and even in virtual I’m too lazy to even do my classes. I skipped homecoming two years in a row to binge and purge, I’ve had friendships ruined over it, I never went to prom or had real meaningful connections. I work as a host at a restaurant to afford my binges and it’s depressing knowing I could have that money to get a car or college or something other than this pathetic lifestyle. My whole family has given up on me and just lets me succumb to this because they know there’s no point in helping me anymore. My whole room is filled with empty food and laxative wrappers and I haven’t cleaned it in months because I do nothing but binge, purge, and go to work. I weigh as much as I do in 5th grade and look like I’m a corpse. Everytime I binge and purge lately I hope it will rip open my stomach and kill me.

The past few weeks I’ve randomly been having a sharp pain in my heart and have trouble catching my breath. Last night I was up until 3am cause I couldn’t catch my breath and it felt like a sharp pain, but at the same time kinda like a pulled muscle. I always make sure to take electrolytes daily so I don’t know if that could be a reason, I also struggle with anxiety, but idk its kinda freaking me out