Child Birthday Party - Struggling with having the metaphorical cake and eating it too.
TL;DR: I want to do what's good for my kids but I also don't want to create more stress for myself and kids as we are trying to declutter, but still want them to have the "class birthday party" experience. Is there a way to have all 3????
We're planning a "half-birthday" party for my 7 yo girl and 4 yo twins in June. (1). Since we are trying to live more simply, trying to teach gratitude, and desperately trying to declutter our house/teach the kids how to keep things clean (which means having less things), what I REALLY want to do is tell people that the focus is on a fun, giant party, not gifts, and if they really feel like they need to bring a gift, please no "stuff," ESPECIALLY expensive stuff - get clothing, "experience" gifts like a gift card to the science museum, activities, or something small and inexpensive if you really MUST bring a gift. But obviously it's not ok to presume people will bring gifts, and definitely not ok to tell them what TO bring. (I've read multiple threads on this topic but still don't know what to do.)
But I see all the extra "stuff" (and at times expensive stuff!) kids these age bring to each other's parties, and we have too much, not to mention the expense factor, for stuff I will likely just have to donate.
One kid - I could probably handle it, write the thank you's, do the whole thing. But our situation doesn't allow for 3 separate parties (and how is it ok that twins always have to share a party but their sister gets her own?)
But I DEFINITELY don't want anyone to feel like they would have to/should bring THREE gifts for all three kids, that's totally crazy. (And yet it has happened - see 2)
Are my only polite options REALLY just to:
A. Have separate parties, deal with the thank-you's and donations and kids melting down that they have to get rid of things.
B. Somehow dis-incentivize gift bringing (which created its own problems last year), and actually make my kids host a birthday party and get no presents after watching at least 7 classmates get a gift from every person? (I feel like a 7 year old is not going to handle that concept well and will have the opposite intent of the entire thing I'm trying to accomplish.)
C. NOT have a party where they get to invite their whole class, which is how I grew up and what I'm trying to avoid in the first place?
I feel like when I was a kid I got the equivalent of today's $5-10 gifts. Kids at the parties we've been going to all year are getting gifts at least in the $20-30 range, and I feel like it's crazy BUT want my kids to have the memory/fun of a big fun party.
Please be kind: I have ADHD and am aware that my thought processes frequently leave gaping holes in my perception - that's precisely why I'm asking for help.
So I'll repeat the initial question: I want to do what's good for my kids but I also don't want to create more stress for myself and kids as we are trying to declutter, but still want them to have the "class birthday party" experience. Is there a way to have all 3????
Other explanation:
- Their birthdays are in December - we do a small party with family in December, one for her, one for the boys, but I want them to be able to have the "big party" experience that I never got because my parents couldn't afford it. We can't afford to rent a big enough party place in December, not to mention we did that once (my MIL paid for it) and only 3 people out of her class came because December is so damn busy. The solution here (we hope) is to have a giant party where the focus is on exactly that - the party. The fun. The laughter. The memory. Doing this for one kid, or 2 kids because twins never get their "own" party, was weird, so we decided to go for all 3.
- Again - the rudeness of presuming. We go to the private school in town and I know for a fact that at least a few people felt awkward coming but only bringing a gift for the child they knew. One mom I talked to quite a bit; she told me felt bad NOT bringing a gift (I used the "your presence is the only present we need!" line on the invitation that year) for all 3, so I KNOW that sentiment exists, and I don't want people to not come because of damn stuff that we don't need more of!