my partner and i recently opened our relationship. originally we had agreed that we would be primary partners and every connection outside of us would just be casual and that we wouldn’t fall in love or pursue long term or serious romantic relationships with anyone else. but now he’s admitted that he doesn’t find this arrangement to be fair or realistic after visiting with his queer platonic partner.
he recently became queer platonic partners (QPP) with his best friend of 5 years and is developing romantic feelings for this person. he went to visit this friend in their hometown a couple months ago for the first time and for the duration of his week long visit i felt very insecure and struggled to regulate. i had suspected that he was developing romantic feelings while he was there and asked about it repeatedly only for him to delay answering the question saying things like “let’s talk about this when i get back.” he’s since admitted that he wants a romantic partnership with this person in the future but that for now they are both focused on growing their queer platonic partnership.
before he left for his visit he asked me what my boundaries were around social media and i asked that he and his QPP not post anything online that made them look like a couple. he told me that he didn’t think it was fair to his QPP for me to control what they post online and so he never communicated that boundary to the QPP. fast forward to him coming home from his visit with them. his QPP made a post with pictures of the two of them holding hands and pressing their cheeks together saying “who knew falling in love with you would be so easy.” my partner claims that his QPP meant this platonically.
helpful context: i am friends with the QPP on social media platforms and have been for years because we hangout as a group sometimes with my partner’s other friends regularly.
my partner texted me to warn me that his QPP had made this post and recommended that i unfollow them if i didn’t want to see it. he also told me later that his QPP asked if they should take the post down or post it in the first place and my partner told them it was okay to post despite me communicating my discomfort with them posting things that make them look like a couple publicly.
we’ve been arguing about this situation so much since then because i feel like my boundaries were crossed, but we kept coming to a stalemate so i just gave up and said “post whatever you both want.”
fast forward to today. his QPP has posted a photo of themselves with kissy marks all over their body (presumably from my partner) saying “soon 🥰” referring to their upcoming next visit together.
again i find myself uncomfortable and want to ask my partner and the QPP to not make posts that are sexual in nature about each other. my question to reddit is: am
i being fair by asking this of my partner? and am i allowed to ask the QPP to respect my boundaries as well?