AITAH UPDATE: AITA For Being Disgusted By his Kink? (answer is NOPE)
I feel like the biggest asshole in the world, and I need some outside opinion.
From the beginning, it was a very healthy, open, and honest relationship, or so I kind of thought. I smoke weed, drink, and vape. It’s not the best way to cope with my feelings, but I’ve found that it’s my favorite. It’s the most affordable and safest way for me to shut my brain off, but yet again, NOT THE POINT. Marco has never drunk before. Not one single ounce of alcohol, never touched weed, would never even consider it, and he thinks vaping is disgusting. Now this is one of the very first things he tells me, within our time of being friends before dating, me, being infatuated and wanting to impress him, I tell him I’ve quit my phase of recreational use of substances, which was probably the dumbest thing I’ve done because I very much still smoke weed, and still drink. Again, this is not extremely important to the story, but hear me out.
I haven’t experienced much college life. My boyfriend and bf I started dating almost immediately when I moved out of my house. In fact, I think we started dating before I moved out and started school. I love going out and meeting people, whether that’s at parties, the library, or wherever I am; I am a social girl. But I don’t get to do that often, and when I do, I feel judged and like I’m acting like a kid. Going to parties, going on Tinder, having drunken hookups, I never got that I could never flirt with the frat boys or the girls. I could never actually go out and feel like I was meeting people. I know that sounds HORRIBLE of me and makes me sound like a little immature child, but I have never once experienced that part of life. A part of me is scared that I will end up resenting him or hating him for not allowing me to have the ideal college experience I envisioned.
A little side note: He never leaves his house, will not go to restaurants, doesn't go to the gym, and gets his groceries delivered. We do not do anything when we are together except sit on his couch and watch sports (I hate sports)
Seeing as though I am still in college and he is working full-time, we are in very different stages in our lives. Life. I’m in college housing, living with roommates, paying rent monthly, and basically living paycheck to paycheck. Marco, on the other hand, fortunately found a house that he was able to pay off almost entirely by the time we started dating. Now, the house is perfect for a bachelor and has been ideal for him over the past few years: 2 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms, a great location, and a gorgeous yard. You may think I’m being unreasonable for complaining about this, but please listen. We could not raise a family there, he and I, a dog, and possibly more than one child, could not comfortably live there.
I’m not sure what the worst part of this little issue is... if it’s that he’s 100% set on living here forever and doesn’t want to move, or if it’s that it’s NEXT DOOR to his parents’ house. Not on the same block, not in the same neighborhood, not even just on the same street. Next. Fucking. Door. I can see my mother's home office from our kitchen window, and I'm not sure why, but I need a little bit of privacy.
One of my main concerns is that he is very messy. At the start, it wasn’t supernoticeable, maybe a sock or two on the floor, a few dishes in the sink, and perhaps a few pizza boxes on the floor. As time went on in our relationship, the messiness got worse. Two pizza boxes turn into 15-20 boxes shoved in the garbage, causing a constant overflow. A few socks turn into piles of clean, dirty, old, and new, all clothes in the hallway, bedroom, kitchen, living room, and a pile so big on the floor in the basement you can’t walk through. And all those dishes have turned into molded Tupperware from June (it’s now October) and plates from months ago that haven't been looked at since they were used. We also recently acquired a new couch for his living room, and the old one is still sitting in the hallway for us to climb over. I’ve had multiple conversations with him about this as well, and he told me that he’ll eventually do it or that it’s not important right now. I’ve tried hinting, but then I had to tell him straight up that it’s gross.
Because of the sexual trauma he and I both have, we don’t have the best relationship with sex. I personally could go months without sex, but he can’t. It's not a bad thing at all, and I know some of you are going to tell me to get laid whenever I want, but you don’t understand. I could be having a panic attack, and the text I get from Marco would be “Do you think my dick would help?” I've probably heard “I'm hard” more times than I'm in love with you. He will also walk by and start humping me when we’re at his parents’ house, babysitting his nephew, while I’m talking on the phone, or just cuddling; it’s like an unneutered dog. He also can’t keep his hands to himself, and with my past, I am not the biggest fan of physical touch. I enjoy it in moderation, but I prefer not to be touched at all. He knows this about me, and I've tried to set boundaries and tell him that I don't like it, but it doesn't seem to get any better. I’m unsure about what to do with this part, either.
Now this is the cherry on top. Marco has a kink that makes me very uncomfortable; he enjoys diaper play. Yes, that’s right, diapers. Like, pull up fucking diapers (Yes, in every way you’re thinking, and yes, clean and dirty.) When he first told me he was hesitant to share the information, I trusted him and loved him, and I wanted to feel secure with him, knowing I was with him. I tried very hard to understand/ get interested in it, and I spent hours researching. I’m embarrassed to say that pornhub and Pinterest were my best friends for a few weeks. I was never able to get comfortable with the idea of just wearing a diaper, sitting on the couch while we were having sex. I couldn’t do it, but I didn’t want to hurt him. One night, while researching, he tried to put them on, and I broke down and told him how uncomfortable I felt with them, despite his efforts, and how it stressed me out. Since that conversation, I’ve been less adamant about me wearing them, but he still definitely wants/hopes I will. There will be nights that, after we have sex, I'll see him secretly put one on to go to sleep or to watch our movie. There have also been a few different instances since the conversation where I've caught him masturbating with the diaper.
So, AITAH for not wanting to spend my twenties sitting in a diaper?
****update****
I listened to the comments and realized most of you were right. I broke up with him. almost immediately. I haven't talked to him since, well, about three weeks after the breakup. He would leave me notes and gifts. super fucking weird shit. love letters on how he’ll always love me, and he'll never forget about me.
I'm doing better, ive realized a lot of the things I did were because of my trauma. I got into a lot more therapy and regretting a lot of my decisions...
A thing about my trauma is that I was sexually abused by a teacher when I was 11. I know what you're thinking... stupid bitch. I know. PTSD is a horrible thing that plays with your brain. ive learned a lot about myself in the last 6 months, that's something I would never have said a year ago today. No excuses, though, I knew what I was doing and should've been smarter, moving on from this.
The real reason for this update...
A few weeks ago, my roommates and I were just watching TV like any other day. My roommate turns to me and goes, “You need to read this.” She hands me her phone, and it's an article. The headline reads “Child Sex Crimes Filed Against Teacher”. My stomach drops, I get nauseous, I want to vomit. My jaw is currently in my pussy. WHAT THE FUCK. Now, immediately, you're thinking that it's him, right? Guess what... It's NOT. It's his little sister. HIS YOUNGER FUCKING SISTER. Whom ive met, who I was friends with, who I had spent the holidays with. She was only TWO years older than me. I'm fucking disgusted with her and him. shes a disgusting human being, and so is he. How could she have done that to so many little kids? I hope she stays in prison forever and rots and dies, knowing what she did was terrible. The initial report was genuinely disturbing, and I think that there are some serious psychological issues, because that's fucking nasty and cruel. And with everything else that's been coming out about her... she will, she currently has 15-30. FUCKING DISGUSTING.
Oh, and now this fucking cherry on top! SHE. WAS. A. SPECIAL. EDUCATION. TEACHER. Let that one settle in a bit, and you guys might be where I am now.
I was contacted by the school district to clarify our relationship in detail, because apparently they already knew about it. Had no idea about that. I was honest with them, which was hard and yucky, but I'm happy I said anything.
There is some deep, dark, fucked up, evil shit happening in that family. I feel horrible for their nephew and niece... I want those two to be safe. I don't care about any other human being other than those two babies being safe. I know their mom loves them (she is not the one who got arrested. Just another sister in a fucked up family.)But I'm worried she won't do what she should. IDK. IDK what to think idk what to feel. I feel heartbroken, sad, and disgusted. I'm so glad I left him. I never knew how badly I needed something to become even a little more of myself.
Fuck Him. Fuck Her. Fuck his entire fucking family. I'll never speak to any of them again. Sorry that there wasn't necessarily “more” to my story if there can be anything more than that.
Love you guys for opening my eyes. I hope to god i will never have to make another post like this.