TW-suicidality
I ask this question as if I don’t know the answer but I need the validation. Someone outside of my own head to tell me the truth. I believe I am an alcoholic but no one believes me because I am only 18. They think I’m just partying. It’s more than that. The end game is to end up dead eventually. I can feel the different stages of alcoholism. Like I feel when there is a switch and my drinking becomes worse. A few months ago I felt this when I got black out drunk properly for the first time. Usually I would avoid this type of drunk because of some trauma I have. Then the aim became getting blackout drunk. Then a few weeks ago I started vomiting because I was drinking so much. I felt that switch in my head again. Now Everytime I drink the aim is to throw up. It’s messed up but I enjoy it. I don’t know if all of this sounds stupid. But alcohol does control my life. It impacts everything. I’ve even gotten hurt a few times for example I banged my head on a glass, hit walls, fallen over, one night I woke up bleeding and have no idea how. I’ve ended up in A&E before because of my drinking but that was a long while ago. My point is. Am I really an alcoholic? Is this just gonna keep getting worse and worse until I stop? How do I stop? How do I make myself even want to stop?