u/Comfortable-Cell6089

My bf broke up with me recently because he “lost all trust for me” after I left him for a while & blocked him everywhere because his ex did the same to him after accusing him of cheating. 3 days later, I begged him to get back with me & he said no a lot but agreed in the end. Then when he left me 5 days ago, I told him I still love him & to try make this work & he said no. This message that I’m about to send to him explains most of the situation.

I know you’re sick of me always talking & you’re sick of the times I cried to you but I can’t stand being misunderstood or leaving things unsaid. We were supposed to study German together, and do the semester abroad together, and Eid & your birthday were coming up. I hate feeling helpless on days that I know you’re stressed and all I want to do is comfort you and let you know that everything will be okay, or days I know you’re having a hard time studying & I want to help. The thing that hurt me most was how much I tolerated for your sake & tolerated your problems because I wanted to help you deal with them. But I’m sure that if it was me going through those problems, you wouldn’t have been able to tolerate even half of it. You’re just like [guy who did our friend dirty].

You changed since winter break. Like that one time when you were out and weren’t updating me and kept getting defensive about not wearing the hairtie, and when you got home I told you “just tell me if you want to leave” so you got mad at me and told me “fuck off” and didn’t talk to me for the rest of the day; and when we were discussing the spa and you told me “this isn’t what I signed up for”; and when I went to Fayoum and you told me being with me was a mistake & that you were only with me because we’re in the same classes; and when I woke you up so we could check the class switching because it was the deadline day and you got mad at me while I went to the coordinator alone just so we could stay together; and when I was making food so we could break our fast together in Ramadan and you told me to cancel it and cancel the community service we were going to do together & that you never wanted to do it in the first place; and when you got mad at me because I didn’t wake you up for the exam even though you told me not to, and you spoke disrespectfully & didn’t talk to me for 2 days & told me you’d wait until marriage age to find another woman; and when you threatened to break up with me at least 3 times. These are why I was convinced you didn’t love me. You weren’t doing me a favor or proving your loyalty by staying while treating me like that. But I loved you so much. So so so much. And God is my witness to how much you meant to me. To the point that I couldn’t even leave after all of that & my heart forgave you for anything. You’re so manipulative for making me feel like the evil one for leaving after everything you did to me & how much you hurt me. I genuinely don’t know how the guilt isn’t eating you alive. Literally tell me who would tolerate all of that. You said your ex never left and you rarely fought, but do you want to know why? Because she was cheating on you. I’m speaking to you as a girl: no girl would accept being with someone while he keeps blocking her and leaving her every other second unless she has other men entertaining her or other places to put her attention, understand? And it makes sense that she dated a guy right after you broke up.

I know sometimes I’d have a bad attitude when I’m upset or my mistakes at the beginning were forgetting a few updates or replying a bit late or communication problems, and I apologized so much & made sure to reassure you & stopped these habits completely. I have never done anything intentionally or knowingly that would hurt you & I was never your enemy. But lately all you did was turn arguments into punishment & silence. You left after the stupid mistake of me saying “aura loss” in the elevator when I was joking with you, but there were people there & you saw how much I apologized to you. And you kept criticizing everything; my clothes (which we agreed on), me going to uni when you stayed home (because of the classes & not to spend on Uber). And even when I went out to study near the house, you made it about cheating & breaking your trust & “preferring my friends & going out with them almost everyday” when actually the first day I went out alone and the second day was the only day I went out with my friend. And you think you going out the day before without telling me where you were going, or that you went somewhere else, & leaving me on delivered for 3 hours wouldn’t break my trust?? You’re genuinely the most selfish person I’ve ever met in my life.

I’m the one who came back to talk to you after I left, and I’m the one talking to you now after you left. And I was always the one begging us to talk after a fight while you’d say no. It’s always, always me chasing you & you running away from me. It’s so obvious that I loved you way more than you loved me. All I asked for was the minimum, I never expected you to revolve your world around me or worship me. I wanted proof that all my effort for you meant something, but in the end it didn’t. You told me you were planning on moving on after I left, meaning that was it, you were relieved & fine with moving on with your life immediately, adding girls & not even trying to get me back. You didn’t even feel any remorse for everything you put me through. I felt so replaceable.

Remember when you told me you don’t believe in changing a woman after choosing her? Remember when you told me you’re anxious attachment just like me? Those were all lies. I miss the old [bf], the one who used to tell me he would never leave me & that I’m the best thing in his life & that I’m the only person he would ever try infinite times for, and who taught me to never change the relationship basics even when we’re fighting, to not have pride/ego in the relationship, to always solve things so nothing builds up & who made me feel so safe. I don’t know what happened to you but you changed so much & I don’t believe you love me anymore. You don’t even love yourself. But I was convinced that you didn’t really change, that you were just going through a hard time & busy, and that the [bf] I knew was still there underneath it all so I just had to be patient. But [bf], I will never forget the things you told me about how your life was better without me, or how you don’t want to be with me, or how you lost feelings, or how you don’t love me anymore. I would never say anything this hurtful to you after everything we’ve been through together. I can’t. I never did anything to deserve this & you know it. I don’t understand how you could suddenly become this cruel to me. I know it’s because you have problems & you’re mentally unwell, but I wanted to stay by your side while you heal and mature, and for us to have a healthy relationship & be happy forever. You just had to heal & we would’ve been so happy with minimal problems, that’s the missing piece in the relationship but you haven’t realized it, or maybe you did, I don’t know. I asked a few people & some of them were guys about the whole situation, and don’t worry, I gave them all the context & that I left almost a month ago & what happened before it. Everyone said the same thing: that I wasn’t the one whose actions led to the end of the relationship & they were surprised by how patient I was and how I didn’t build resentment towards you. I simply thought that if I was patient, understanding, forgiving & gentle then I could heal you little by little, but now I realized that no one can save anyone & healing is your own journey; all I was doing was teaching you that it’s okay to treat me like that. I just wish you would’ve realized you’re not ready for a relationship at this stage of your life instead of coming into my life & leaving when I loved you most.

I know you’re not planning on getting back with me because your ego won’t let you, and I don’t even want that to be honest, but throughout the relationship I wished you cared about me more than your ego. Anyone who sees me talking to you again would call me pathetic, but I just had to say this. That’s all. Goodbye