For reference, I am 15F.
Here’s a list of things my parents do to make it short & simple, this doesn’t include everything but it include the worst things they’ve done—at least from what I can think of.
Mother:
- I am allowed to wash my own hair, she must do it for me & I have to wait no matter what.
- I cannot pick my own clothes when I go out, she also picks my undergarments and gets mad, yells at me & guilt trips me whenever I ask to change specific pants to suit my sensory needs (I have problems with specific textures).
- Guilt trips me often, she also enjoys saying “my daughter doesn’t love me” and things like that, both when joking and not joking.
- Is overly touchy, and whenever I tell her I'm not comfortable with things (such as smacking my butt). She says things like "it's not that big of a deal—“ then "I’m ur mom," or "were both girls," or "I can touch u anywhere" and then usually starts moving her hand throughout my entire body (she has touched my chest and crotch area before).
- She didn’t allow me to take my own showers until 11, I had to beg her for months and I was nearly 12 when I was allowed to shower myself she would guilt trip me by saying things like "please it makes me so happy!" while sounding like she's gonna cry (my mother cannot physically cry for some reason so it's all abt her tone).
When I was finally allowed to, she said "okay but let me shower you everytime u need to wash your hair, it kept going this way for a few months but now she just does it over a sink.
- She acknowledges that I do not like living with my father & that all he does is almost nothing but does mothing to change things for me, her excuses are "he doesn't really help me pay for anything but what abt food when I have to go to work?" Refusing to acknowledge I am more than old enough to learn to cook + me learning to cook would save us food anyway.
Father:
- He goes against a child's basic need to spend time with their parents, I asked him when I was 9 why he barely talks to me and he practically said that I have to work for our relationship when a child shouldn't have to start every
conversation. He does not pay for the house nor rent nor anything like that, he just buys food and goes out often, he's also an alcoholic (although not necessarily always violent).
- He gets mad very easily, which is another reason I avoid talking to him/‘working for our relationship,’ since despite the very few times I talk to him he's called me an abuser & threatened to blackmail me and my mother. He refused to understand he has complete control over his own living situation and my mother cleans up after him and cooks for him, he is in an incredibly good situation he js leeches off and gets very upset when things doesn't go his way and throws tantrums, he also occasionally enjoys to wake us up in the middle of nights while we're sleeping to get mad over trivial things.
- There was a period a few years ago where he would beat me with a belt (for trivial things of course), and my mother would try to make it abt her (as per usual). The way she would do this is by saying she's too tired for this and etc, as if she were to be in this situation. During this time he would also force me to only use the tv until a specific time (I think it was 10 am) and not to use the iPad it made no sense? By the way, I did nothing he was just mad of something like that..
- He has made sexual comments such as saying that my butt is big and etc, and when expressing my discomfort my mother says "he's js joking..” She says this while laughing which is obviously not an appropriate joke to make to ur child. He also likes to whistle when ‘complimenting’ (for some reason???) He also thinks butt slapping is normal, similarly to my mother.