Over a week ago I made a post about how I was in a haram friendship/relationship. I want to thank everyone who commented, your words gave me so much strength and opened my eyes.
Long story short, I prayed to Allah to give me strength or somehow allow me to exit this relationship. And literally a day or two later, he ended things because I told him I don’t know if I see a future. It obviously hurt me and was heartbreaking because I became attached to him. We haven’t been speaking this past week and it’s been tough but I’m trying to stay strong.
I also felt so bad because I felt like I hurt him, and broke his heart. I think I was blinded by love, and I kept pushing for more but I wasn’t thinking properly, and I regret that so much because I hurt him. I guess our emotions, feelings, and attraction for one another get the best of us and not make us think properly. Things got more and more serious and that made me reflect on what I was doing, and made me think more logically. I told him I didn’t see things realistically working between us as he’s Christian and I’m Muslim. I said that to him because I wanted to stop things between us and not lead him on. I just feel so guilty about it all.
I apologized a lot to him about how I couldn’t continue on, and how things happened or ended. But I’ve been seriously thinking recently that what if karma gets me in the future for breaking his heart and hurting him. Will I not find someone or will I have a bad relationship with my future husband because what I did to him?
I also wonder, will I ever find someone good after being involved in a haram relationship? I have repented and asked Allah for forgiveness. But I can’t shake this thought. I feel so guilty with what happened during the relationship, although no zina was ever committed, thank God. We were also never even together, we were just friends who liked each other more than friends should. I know one thing for sure I will never be involved in another haram relationship ever again.