AITJ: I’m not upset my future sister in law is pregnant
Might be a slightly weird intro, but I couldn’t think of a more accurate framing.
Usual disclaimers about name changes etc, although tbh I expect other people have experienced something similar to what I’m dealing with.
I’m engaged to my fiance Lucy. We were discussing wedding prep with her sister Jane & Jane’s husband Tim and Jane blurted out that she’s pregnant.
I’m not particularly close to Jane (we live in different parts of the country and their family isn’t especially tight), but I was pleased and congratulated them on this. Jane already has a child from a relationship when she was younger, but this will be her husbands first child and I knew that he was keen to have kids.
Afterwards, Lucy told Jane she couldn’t tell the rest of their family until after the wedding (via text) she wants the wedding to be her/our day. I’ve not spoken to Jane or Tim about it, but when Lucy told me I was pretty surprised, I didn’t see how them having a child would impact our day much at all (their due date is after the wedding for clarity). I said personally I thought she shouldn’t say anything to Jane, but wasn’t particularly invested either way.
Anyway, she did tell Jane who got very upset that her sister wasn’t pleased for her having a baby and told their dad who took Jane’s side. Lucy suggested (maybe more like implied) that I should say it was my issue, to back her up, and I was a bit uncomfortable doing that - not as a pious thing I just really didn’t see the issue with Jane telling people she’s pregnant. Lucy got really angry at me for not being on her side, and now I’m wondering if I should just back her up even though I think she’s wrong just out of loyalty.
To be clear, whilst I think she’s wrong, I don’t think it matters either way so I’m not having some moral crisis about whether to back her. It’s more…it feels mean to not be happy for a soon to be family member having a baby.
As background, from what I’ve heard Jane was a tearaway as a kid, always in trouble in school (got expelled) nearly went to prison, had drug issues etc whilst Lucy was - and is - very by the book, works hard, went to a good uni and now has a high powered job etc. And though she’s never explicitly told me this, I worked out pretty quickly - even before we got together - that Lucy carries some resentment at Jane because she thinks her parents concentrated on looking after her and never gave her enough attention despite being the “good” kid. Tbh I think there’s some truth in that, though I’m obviously biased in Lucy’s favour, but I don’t think it’s Jane’s fault - and Jane really has turned her life around.
Anyway, am I wrong to not be annoyed at this potentially changing our wedding? And should I just back her up to show that I’m on her side?