u/Cold_Shine1720

ello! First post, very nervous lol

My partner (30, M) and I (29, F) got engaged on our anniversary about a year and a half ago. We have been high school sweethearts, gone through the ups and downs of a relationship, and took a year apart after I found out he had sex with someone else (this was six years ago.)

It has taken a lot to rebuild the trust and security in the relationship, but we put in the work, chose each other every day, and got to the place where he proposed and I said yes. I love him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. He has been patient and understanding of my triggers, helped me through the death of my mom, and is going to therapy and taking medication because he wants to be a better partner to me.

However, I cannot shake the feeling I am making a huge mistake. We had a huge fight where I found out that he had been taking screenshots of other women on Instagram (something he has struggled with in the past) and after a very emotional confrontation, he assured me that I am enough for him and that he wants nothing more than to marry me. He labels his actions as “compulsions” and doesn’t want me to “give up on him” because he has had huge growth and doesn’t consider what he finds on the internet to be real.

Our wedding date is in August and I have already paid for my dress, half of the venue, and had our flower meeting. Whenever I think about planning my future with him, I get so excited about it - but it’s hard to not feel like I am making a huge mistake whenever I see him scrolling on his phone and wondering whether or not I am placing myself in a position to just be continuously hurt over and over again.

This has also been extremely difficult to make a decisive decision about or to talk to anyone else because of his infidelity in the past. I am years into this relationship and thousands of dollars into this wedding. And the most difficult part is my mom died thinking I was going to marry him.

I would love some advice :(