u/Cold_Interview8740

Hey, I planned my non existence. I don’t regret doing this, I don’t care anymore. I’ve been in this pit of disparity since I was 8, I have thought of countless way to do it. I have tried before and failed. I am now 23, I have bipolar disorder, I’ve been in and out of hospitals for most of my life. I have been “graped”, my innocence stolen by my step father, beat, tortured, I was in foster care for about 3years at 5years old where I remember vividly getting burned with a curling iron, beat,and locked up in the basement and barely fed, addicted to a certain “brown powder” at 14(got clean on my own at 17),I started to “self discipline”myself at 13 when I felt that I wanted to feel something,I was homeless, and more. I had been through more trauma than most people can handle without breaking. I tried all the ”coping skills” and other methods to help, but nothing actually fkn works. I have talked to so many doctors and have been diagnosed and re diagnosed and stuff full of pills to the point of not even being me. It felt as though I was outside of my body just going through the motions of living. now I'm just tired of even going through the motions. I don’t talk to any of my blood relatives(due to my mother denying what my step father did to me and sending me to another hospital then after getting out of the hospital she didnt come get me, she just left me there at 18, homeless with nothing but medical papers and blue paper scrubs). Also due to on my biological fathers side bc he was gone before I was born. since I don’t have anyone to remember me I’m here trying to leave something of a story of my life. I don’t want pleas to not go through with it. my mind is made up. I am done with this life, it has done nothing but take from me since birth. I have no friends, no family, no one to miss me when I’m gone, I made sure it won’t be a mess for anyone who finds me. I just want someone to remember me..