I’m seriously debating cutting off my entire family after coming to a harsh realization this week and that is honestly how bad they have treated me and how little them seem to care.
To start since Mid-February I have been very suicidal haven’t made any attempts but it’s literally a constant thought in my head from the moment I wake up to when I go to bed, but the one thing that has stopped me was how my family would react and how hurt they would be.
This week I broke down in the bathroom at work with yet another anxiety attack but that’s when I came to the realization of how little effort my family actually makes.
For example my brothers, I literally see them maybe once a year, my eldest brother who is in the military I’ve seen 3ish times in the 15 years, not because he hasn’t been around but because he would rather spend time with his high school buddies partying and drinking than with his family, I only see him at family events that someone else, mainly my dad has to invite me too and then we are magically the best of brothers in front of everyone, he literally never answers my text or calls or anything at least with my other brother who is the middle of us three I get a single yearly birthday text but outside of that literally nothing.
My Dad and I normally talk everyday or every other day but I’ve come to realize that’s only because I call him and I push the conversation, if I’m not the one calling him it’s maybe one call every week or two and even when it is it’s like 30 seconds to a minute and that’s it, however we normally go out to eat maybe 2-3 times a year in which I have to invite him and normally pay for it, which I don’t mind to pay but it’s the fact that I’m always the one having to set everything up.
My sister is the one I’m closest to but I’ve come to realize that even with her there is barely any effort, we Snapchat everyday but that’s honestly just to keep the streak going, we don’t hang out at all mainly cause I live two hours away from her and that’s “too far” but her friends who live two hours away she hangs out with every week, I’ve lived in my current city for 8 year and she has literally come to visit me once, my dad has been her once in 8 years despite living 30 minutes away and my brothers have literally never been to my place I honestly don’t think they would even be able to find my apartment.
My step father isn’t to bad, he is the only one who actually ask about my work or about my plans but he is the typical stand offish step father, he has never been to my place and the only time I see him is when I go to visit them, received maybe 1 or 2 phone calls since I moved out 10 years ago.
My mom, oh my mother is by far the worst, which hurts me to say since my religion calls for me to love and respect my parents, but after years of living with her I find it very hard to do.
My mother is the sole reason I have decided to never get married, after watching the mental and emotional abuse she has put my step father through for the past 25 years it has completely destroyed my idea of marriage and my willingness to ever settle down with someone, I’m sure it may happen one day since no one really knows but it’s definitely not something I’m looking for.
And that abuse extended to both her children all throughout our childhood and after looking into it she fits the typical abusive narcissistic, always telling us how horrible we are and how no one could every love us even as young as 4 or 5 years old all the way up until we both moved out in which that abuse shifted from her kids, which we still get when we visit her to her husband who despite what she says making him out to be the worst person to every live actually a good man.
She has never had to work a day in her life since she meet my step father, she has a massive house on an ungodly amount of land thanks to him working and providing as well as all new vehicles but still he is the reason everything is wrong 😒 it’s honestly so frustrating.
I say all this to say I’ve been debating moving back home to where my parents live since the rising cost of living is getting so absurd, however I’m now starting to second guess that and even debate cutting them off completely since every time I bring up what kind of house I want to build it’s just constant negativity form my mother because God forbid her children have a nicer or bigger house than she does.
The reason she has a say in it is because the land the house would be built on is her land, and yes she absolutely refuses to deed it to me I’ve asked over and and over again and she just says she will set the will up to work, which is frustrating.
My sisters house is on that same land and my mother holds it over her head so much believing my sister is a horrible person for everything she does which she isn’t, god forbid her as a 23 year old woman go out to a bar and and have a few drinks with a designed driver.
This has honestly been super eye opening to me since I was seriously debating moving back closer to family but now I’m not even sure if I want to talk to them at all after this, this has been the first day since I had my anxiety and paranoia attack back in February I feel completely clear minded.
Just putting this out there for everyone and seeing what other people think about this also.