Looking for some support on a first munch experience
My partner (30F) and I (32M) attended our very first munch a few days ago and I’ve been sitting with a lot of feelings afterward.
On one hand, I’m genuinely proud of us for going. I've been talking more openly about ENM, autonomy, curiosity, and community lately, and actually showing up felt like a meaningful step. Everyone seemed kind and welcoming.
But… we didn't speak to anyone.
We mostly stayed to ourselves, observed, got a little nervous, and eventually left. There was never any expectation or intention to hook up or anything like that (not even close) - this was purely about learning, exposure, and seeing how it felt. Mostly for me but I was so happy that my partner came with me and was still reassuring - I am so grateful for her and for that. Still, I left feeling oddly disappointed in myself, like I had somehow “failed” socially or let my partner down a bit since I was the one who encouraged us to go.
At the same time, there’s another layer to this.
My partner has some past negative experiences with ENM from a previous relationship, and recently shared that she may not actually want to be very active in the community. We have more convos planned to discuss this and I really appreciated her honesty, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t stir up some confusion and sadness for me too - things I need to still reflect on myself.
For me, ENM has never been about “replacing” my partner or chasing something she lacks. I love her deeply and she’s absolutely my emotional home. It’s more that openness, autonomy, and sexual exploration feel that is tied to my identity and how I experience relationships. The tricky part is that I’m not even actively craving outside experiences right now - I just don’t want these desires to become unmentionable or quietly disappear over time (does that make sense?)
So I think I’m sitting with two feelings at once:
- Feeling socially intimidated / awkward entering ENM spaces
- Feeling scared about what it means if my partner and I are shifting into different places emotionally around non-monogamy
I guess I’m looking for reassurance, perspective, or advice from people who’ve maybe gone through something similar.
- Did your first munch feel awkward too?
- How long did it take to feel comfortable?
- How do you navigate situations where one partner feels more exploratory than the other?
- And how do you keep these conversations emotionally safe without making your partner feel inadequate or pressured?
Appreciate any thoughts. Trying to approach all of this thoughtfully and with care - thanks so much in advance to this community ❤️