I used to be close to my sister. I'd do like her, I'd tell her everything, I'd do everything with her. I cannot say it is the same today. For added context, we are fourteen months apart, so only one school year in difference.
Four years ago, when my sister was 15 she dropped out of high school. Not officially, of course. Where we live it is illegal to drop out before 16 years old. She just... stopped going to school. Obviously there is a lot going on in there, she had her reasons and I understand them, it is what happens after that bugs me. She officially dropped out when she turned 16 near the end of the year.
I had a job at that time. I was making minimum wage plus tips. During that year (2022-2023) my sister proceeded to steal a little under 1000$ from me. (Full amount is uncertain) I would leave envelopes with my tip money on my desk in my room and my sister would swipe the full envelope or a part of it, every two weeks until I caught her. I was livid. My sister explained that she was depressed (which is true, to be fair) and that she would love to go visit her best friend in Norway, in hopes that would cure her depression. After a lot of convincing from my mom and her, I reluctantly agreed to lend her the money she lacked (even though she stole from me) under the condition that I get all the money she stole and the one I lent her within the next year. She went on her trip in the summer (trip which I now realize I fully funded) and came back much happier, however to this day I have yet to have officially received a single penny of that money. Not only that, since she dropped out of High School four years ago, she has had a job for a total of 6 weeks, in a single workplace where she got fired.
During my graduation, last year, my sister openly admitted to me and my mom in a very condescending tone that she was jealous of me for graduating. I was flabbergasted she couldn't wait until we got home to say it, but I ignored it. To this day, my sister hasn't continued her HS Diploma. Actually, she picked up online high school, however in three years since she started, she hasn't finished a single class. I often find myself wondering if she actually does anything in those classes. I end up hearing about a homework she did, but never saw her do a class or a homework.
In the last two years, fights between her and my mom have multiplied hundredfold. It gets worse and worse. There are screams in the house at least once a week and, although they both said they would stop making me, I always end up being stuck in the middle of their fight either mediating or playing devil's advocate for one or the other. I am tired. I don't want to damage my relationship with my family but it's getting harder and harder. I've been avoiding my home, spending an extra hour or two hanging out with my friends at college every day and staying in my room at all times otherwise, except my sister has no concept of privacy and comes and goes in my room as she pleases even when my door is closed.
Two years ago my sister got diagnosed with ADHD. She blamed a lot of her actions on her ADHD, as well as her depression (which although isn't diagnosed I believe her in that fact). However, last year she got diagnosed with Autism. That's when the floodgates opened. Since then, she has blamed everything on mental disorders. Her lack of job? Autism. Her lack of education? ADHD. Her lack of irl friends? All three. She does not shower regularly (because her autism causes her to have sensory issues with water on her skin, apparently), she sleeps during the day and plays video games during the night. She needs my mom to make every single appointment because she keeps forgetting she has to set them up (because of her ADHD), even though me, my mom, and plenty of other ADHDers have given her plenty of tricks to remember.
I know there's plenty of other things I can say too. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. My mom is tired and exhausted. My sister has no job and therefore she can't pay for anything, except my mom is also lowkey broke rn so we had to cancel a bunch of shit (including but not limited to our wifi bill, to which she proceeded to max out our shared mobile data plan within two weeks) to not get evicted and yet we couldn't cancel her 400$ a month therapy sessions because they're way to important to cancel. When I call her out on anything she does, she blames it on her autism and guilt trips me into feeling bad for calling her out, she makes me feel like an ableist. I hate it.
I feel like the asshole for thinking about hating her. This has been going on for all of my late teens, I hate it. I'm tired. I can't wait to move out (which is never happening, my college doesn't have dorms and rent (+groceries and bills) is more than I could ever hope of making with a minimum wage job while going to school full time)
I haven't really been able to decompress in awhile. My sister has a talent for ignoring what's going on around her or making it about her. She is very good at using my emotions against myself. I hesitated for a while about making this post. I just need someone to validate my feelings. To understand I am human with flaws. Because my family doesn't. Because my flaws look tiny when compared to her's. I don't know what to do.