u/Cold-Violet7111

My husband and I have been married 15.5 years now. Back in 2023 I discovered my husband was having an affair with my best friend. I started to become really close to her a couple of months before the affair started. We hung out all the time. Did lots together. She at one point was asking me for marriage advice, if it’s worth it to work out her marriage that her husband wasn’t doing enough and being enough. Never mentioned she was having an affair, but that she felt he wasn’t doing enough work wise and relationship wise and for his health. I had no idea she was sleeping with my husband. We would go out and get drinks together and I would talk about how much I loved my husband and how amazing he was, how I could never live without him. Over that year my husband started to be more withdrawn and stopped helping around the house, how he would game all the time and not help with the kids, etc.
never once did I imagine he was cheating on me. I just assumed we were going through a phase like all couples do. When I finally discovered the affair I felt so betrayed by both my friend and my husband. He said he was going to end it, but it continue another 4 months with me catching him every time. Eventually I packed his stuff and told him I was done, that it wasn’t right for him to continue to say he wanted to stay but still keep in contact with her so he left. We explained it to our kids and within 3 days he begged to come back. Still after that it continued on and off for 2 months with me catching it again. I finally said I was done and I didn’t want to deal with it anymore. Well he decided he was done and no longer going to cheat. That our marriage was worth saving. So he stayed we have been working on everything. It’s been about 2 years now and he still says he has feelings and love for her. That he doesn’t love me yet. When I found out about the affair he told me he hadn’t loved me in a long time that he was already emotionally available before he met her. I get that our relationship fell short of a lot. I have been trying hard to reconnect and help us heal. He says he just needs time. That he promises there is no communication. I just don’t understand how he can still love her after 2 years of no communication. I do believe he hasn’t had communication, but how can I help him stop having feelings for her and be emotionally available to me?
I know this was all gibberish,..my mind is mush and I feel like I can’t get my thoughts straight, but really needed to vent.

It’s a sad day..

Betrayal