u/Cold-Perception5096

After being laid off 3x in tech, I am traumatized. But I like the industry and I found a company and a role that is the perfect blend of all my skills and is in short a dream job. They are very excited about me and feedback has been strong.

But. The role I applied for and did 7 interviews for has now been converted to contract because the company is going through unexpected restructuring (they did layoff months ago, this is basically a whole new department I'd be coming into). I have never done contract work before. They say they want to do contract until they figure out where to put me full time. The role pays 150k but I might be able to negotiate more. But they also might not ever hire me FT and then Im SOL.

Right now my survival job pays 65k. I live with family (sucks). The job is in office in a city I hate. I hate this industry and every day I have had drive an hour to be here. Nevertheless, I've proven myself really good at making this chaotic family owned biz be successful. They need me. My department is too small to let me go. Everything runs on my knowledge. But there are no growth opportunities. The role MAY be going remote though in the future. That could be tomorrow or a few weeks from now. Either way the job is so draining its made applying and interviewing super difficult. My mental health is trash. I HATE THIS JOB. But at least its not going anywhere

Now the last thing...I am starting my own company to do the work Ive been doing (basically making my own dream job). I'm good at it. I LOVE it. I have one client now because again, I just dont have the energy to find mode. Its NOT enough to go full time in this. But if I can at least work remote I can have more bandwidth. My hope was to continue my 9-5 until I could ideally have 4-5 more clients and a substantial enough savings to justiy going full time with my business.

Any thoughts or things you recommend? Is it worth risking a stable tiny paycheck for a potential?

I live with my paternal grandma though we were not particularly close up until I moved in. I am NC with both my parents. And up until moving in, I was not in touch with my paternal side at all aside from one of my cousins for 10yrs. Tomorrow we are having a big mother's day celebration for my grandma at a camp site. And I do not want to go.

Now that I am back around my family and am an adult. I'm reminded why I was not in touch to begin with. And I find our larger family gatherings to be *incredibly* overwhelming and disregulating. There are so many unwritten rules and everything I do is wrong or taken as mean. I am also an introvert and EVERYONE in my family are extroverts. So after I step away for a second to recharge, when I come back they accuse me of hiding or being stuck up. They say horrible things about other women who are "too into makeup", "too creative" or "too confident" and call women who share my skin tone "ratchet" or "ghetto" or "ugly" (I'm the darkest one in the family and the girly girl creative one). I'm the *literal* black sheep and It's 3-6 hours of fake smiles and me wishing I could curl into a ball because if I defend myself or even just strangers on the street they hurl insults to, I'm taken as being uppity. Also since it's Mother's Day, I'm gonna be the only one at this celebration without her parents and will have to field their intrusive questions on that too and how family is oh so important (I cut my parents off because of DV, everyone knows this). And lastly...I just hate camping.

But thats all backstory I'm telling yall...that they don't know or would understand if I told them. My grandma knows that the comments the family makes on colorism hurts and she knows I'm an introvert. But she won't defend me if her daughters or granddaughters get to talking about me. From their POV I'm just the uppity, mean one who is a freeloading bum to my grandma. From my POV I'm tired of sitting around miserable for 6 hours and being judged and gossiped about after.

Nevertheless it will make my grandma sad if I don't go. And it will make her feel awkward because we live together and I'm not there. I'm taking her out for a fancy breakfast today. And I did try to schedule a family photoshoot for her mother's day gift (and everyone ghosted me ...) so if they don't end up responding I'll just get her flowers. And while theyre at the camp site I will go shopping for more gifts. I planned her birthday party and it was so much drama so now I want to avoid family gatherings altogether. But she is 85 and I want to honor her and the way she'd want for me to do that is by attending the camp party.

AITA if I skip out?