Did I make the right decision? Or did I overreact? M28 F 28
TLDR; I broke up with my girlfriend on her sisters wedding day after she turned her location off during a night out with the wedding party.
So my now ex-girlfriend’s sister just got married over the last weekend, we dated for a year and I was supposed to be at the wedding. The Friday before the wedding the whole wedding party went out for drinks and dinner and she turned her location off around 9-10pm. I noticed in the morning and asked her about it, and she turned it back on and said she had no idea what happened. I got very upset, and after the issues we’ve had over the year I felt that was the final straw as I cannot trust her.
We’ve had issues around trust since about 2 months in after I caught her still talking to multiple men including her exes and guys she had hooked up with. She claimed they were just friends, they were supportive to her, and she didn’t want to block them. I told her I was uncomfortable with her maintaining relationships with men she’s had a sexual relationship with in the past, as I DO NOT and would never…because I view this as cheating when in a mutually committed relationship. I told her I would not continue the relationship if she couldn’t respect that boundary. She agreed to block them and told me she did, but I found out she did not as they were still liking all her photos on instagram and probably still hitting her up.
When we started dating she promised so many things..everything I wanted in a woman. It seemed perfect at first. She’d never cheat, I’m her future, transparency on socials, she was in love like 30 days in, the sex was wild, we’re both religious, we both wanted marriage and a family, etc.
The first time I looked at her phone at that 2 month mark, I found her texting multiple dudes, even asking them if “just being friends” is what they wanted. After that whole deal and her agreeing to block them all and it would never happen again, she changed her password a few days later and every time I asked about it she would get very defensive and aggressive. This became the common theme as time went on every time I raised a concern about anything. I tried to ignore my anxiety as I didn’t want to ruminate and create scenarios that weren’t real because at the end of the day I’m not controlling anyone nor am I trying to. I just wanted mutual effort and respect for the relationship and i believed her when she love bombed be every time.
She claims that she never cheated, she was loyal the whole time and that it was all in my head. She refuses to take any accountability for how she acted in the relationship over the last year. When I broke up with her it was over text, she refused to talk to me over the phone because I was upset she turned off her location. So we split, and now she wants to meet up to talk it over, she still has our pictures up on instagram, and despite saying she doesn’t want to get back together…I know she’ll try to reel me back in.
I struggle hard to let go of people I love, especially in relationships. I genuinely loved her and wanted to marry her. I bought her a ring after she begged me to propose for like 4 months, and tried to plan a proposal with her family…she found out and told me to return the ring cause she has to “work on herself”. After that she moved home which is an hour away from be, she was 15 minutes away prior to that and I’d spend most nights at her house. She has since basically refused to come to my place, and we only saw each other once or twice a week for a few hours. If I made the long trip up. We also almost completely stopped having sex, she claimed she wanted to wait until marriage all the sudden after consistent sex up until that point. She’s also slept with many people before me. Her parents are very religious, and I had to sleep in a separate room if I wanted to stay over. I never slept over. This created distance in the last two months and I just felt like I wasn’t a priority at all. Resentment started to build exponentially. I tried to express my feelings and make it work but it was like she was dead set on misunderstanding me rather than trying to be a team and work through our flaws together. I never yelled, I never called her names, I’m a calm and reasonable guy and I always approached her with compassion but it was like she thought I was bashing her character every time I brought up an issue.
Part of me still wants to try, but I have lost myself in this relationship. I feel like I don’t know what to do. As I write this I find myself reeling from the cognitive dissonance. A large part of me wants to keep trying. Like I said, I believed her every time she said she would change, but little to no action was taken.
Did I overreact? Should I have waited until the wedding was over and had one last attempt at fixing the relationship? Or did I make the long overdue decision?