I never was crazy insecure growing up, I was a chubby little boy who slimmed out a good bit after puberty. But the idea of vanity and need for validation wasn’t anything I really cared about in my adolescence. It wasn’t until I entered the real world and thus the ‘gay world’ where it all came to the forefront.
Outside (and a little bit inside) the gay world, I love the person I am, I think I’m pretty easy to be around and people love having me around. I’m talked about in a good light at work too, just really anyone who knows me has good things to say, which is very touching.
When it comes to romance and/or hooking up in the gay world, none of those things matter apparently. It’s where what makes me, me comes crashing down and I’m held back for simply looks. I try my best to work out, but I can’t help how I look. I just find myself to be verrryyyyy ‘mid’, and that’s where all my insecurities come out into the light.
Idk what to do tbh, I try not to get angry at the world, but fuck. Love and intimacy is very sensitive in my world and being constantly rejected that is painful. Never would I have thought I’d have more insecurities as an adult than I did as a teenager.
I guess the point of this post is to show that guys like me aren’t one dimensional ‘incels’ or whatever, we do I have loving qualities but are rejected by our own community for something trivial like vanity.