I apologize if this isn’t the place but I’m needing some advice, r/amitheasshole keeps removing my post
I (28M) am getting a new apartment next week. It’s a 2 bed / 2 bath and My mom (46F) is getting out of prison in a few months after violating probation (drug use and failure to report 3rd time), and I want to help her get back on her feet. The problem is, I work from home and need my second bedroom as an office, so my thought was to let her stay on my couch while she gets herself together rather than giving up the spare room.
For context, my mom has struggled with serious drug addiction for years and has never taken accountability for her actions. Even when she got arrested, my family had to turn her in because she refused to and was living in her car. On top of that, I was the one who found her a lawyer and helped get her sentence reduced from 2 years down to 10 months.
When all of the legal issues started, I packed up my life in Virginia and moved all the way back to Texas so I could be closer and show support for her. I’m currently staying in my grandparents’ guest house and preparing to move into my new apartment. I’ve already made major sacrifices and stepped in heavily to help her, even when the situation wasn’t my responsibility to fix.
She has always expected everyone around her to bend over backward for her and support her financially, regardless of the choices she makes. She only reaches out to me when she needs something. Right now, I already pay her phone bill and after she moves in, I’ll likely end up having to cover more. I make around $60k a year, and I’m simply not in a position to fully support another adult on top of trying to build my future more and start a family.
What makes this harder is that I’ve gotten myself to where I am without any support from her. Before all this, I had moved across the country to get away from this cycle and build my own life, even starting over on a friend’s couch before getting my own place. She has consistently chosen my heroin-addicted stepdad over her family, ignored advice, and manipulated people. Now that the consequences of her choices have caught up to her, she expects me to step in, save her, put my own plans on hold, let her live rent-free, and financially support her because of a situation she created. She’s gonna be a felon for the rest of her life now; all she had to do was complete her probation, not do hardcore drugs, and the felony would’ve gone away. She only had like a year left too
I do want to help her. I don’t want regrets later in life because I chose not to. But I also want to help with boundaries. Letting her stay on my couch feels like a way to support her without completely sacrificing my own space, work environment, and stability, while also keeping healthy boundaries in place so she doesn’t become completely dependent on me.
My grandma and little sister think I’m being an ass for not giving up the spare room so she can have privacy, so yea, am I the asshole? lol