Am I dumb?
I dont know when to open this so Im doing it, does anyone feel so dumb? like you no longer learning something or comprehending something? or is this normal now?
I feel so shallow lately, at first I thought maybe its just insecurity cause I feel like Im being left behind.
I dont know how to explain it, for some context, Im at second year at finance college, maybe the whole problem is that im in the wrong placed. I dont like being in finance, im just doing it for the degree and so my parent could say they raised a college graduate.
this feeling goes way back it was just pushed back because I was too young back then to properly think about it. now Im adult and Im supposed to know things now.
when did my friends know things like taxes even before it was tackled on the course? when did they learned about laws and human rights? when did they become so political?
I did tried, watch yt things about social issues and whatt not, but the more I tried the more I get confused, like am I supposed to know every goverment related organization in the country? and what they are for? cause the more watch the more I get confused.
maybe politics and world issues are not really my things unlike my friends.
So what about my class? the course I enrolled on? it was worse, the problem is no longer the system is on me, cause even I presented to by the greatest professor of all I still cant learn, I tried to listen but its either my mind will ran away in some maladaptive day dreaming or I will zone out thoughts empty or I'll fucking fall asleep. notes? review? I cant, I cant feel the need to take it seriously even though im literally failing, like the moment I look at text Ill just end up scanning or staring at it, no thoughts no comprehension, I'll remember some of it but not enough to explain it.
okay maybbe I just need to find something that I like?
I been doing art since I was little and I cant see myself ever without it, im still failing at it, and I been same skill level as i am 5 years ago.
I dont know, I feel so empty and even if i tried to read, it dont work either, I cant even do math too besides the basic plus and minus anything after that is failing.
I feel so terribly now, and worse of it, I dont event get to punished for it, though my performance is failing, I didnt really failed the course entirely, and things like my activity didnt get a propper evaluation or none evaluation at all.