u/Clueless_Career

So I’ve had MHRB at home for a month now. I have ordered Harmala from Flipkart, but the first time they delayed the order, so I cancelled. The second time, it was supposed to be delivered 4 days back but no update and now I’ve ordered one more..as a back up. But I’ve started to think that maybe this is a sign that I’m not ready for it.
I cleaned my space, I have meditated, I don’t consume the foods that have to be avoided, I’ve not engaged in sexual activity too. I’ve read and researched a lot.
The thing is, I don’t have the financial means or the possibility of going to a shamanic retreat to sit with the correct people and do it the right way but I have been feeling the calling for quite sometime. I am at a standstill in my life with several repetitive patterns and I want the medicine to teach me and show me where I’m going wrong. I am not on a path of self love for Aya to accept me..I’m on it coz for the first time I’m choosing myself. And that’s why I want Aya’s help..but it’s just getting delayed..everyday I fast thinking today’s the day the order will arrive and there’s no update at all.
Is it a life lesson in patience? Or that I’m not ready? Or am I reading too much into faulty logistics suppliers?
I want to do a home brew and sit with the intentions and ask for the blessings.. but the more days pass, the more I’m confused.