I can't bear to walk away from Law
I'm currently in a strange position regarding university applications. At this point, it is safe to say that I have been rejected from NUS law. It was my one and only admissions choice, so I have been left with no placements for the time being. Fortunately, I'm currently in NS and can apply again next year, though I am considering a different degree at the moment.
I'll give my reasons later, but I (probably) no longer aspire to become a lawyer. I never anticipated this change, so part of me suspects that it manifested as a coping mechanism due to rejection. Afterall, the degree I now intend to persue happens to have a lower barrier of entry, which makes me question whether I am subconsciously retreating from failure.
This is why I want to earn a Law offer next year, even though I may not be interested in the legal profession anymore. I know it sounds absurd but hear me out (or just skip to the 2 last paragraphs).
If it were up to the university experience alone, I would definitely pick law school since it has (imo) the most interesting syllabus. However, the main element I find appealing in the legal profession is advisory work. I enjoy tutoring others and giving consults for projects that relate to my interests. This was what initially pushed me to consider becoming a practising lawyer, one with a primarily solicitor-type role.
That being said, I dislike many other aspects about becoming a practising lawyer. I dislike the poor work-life balance where 8 billable hours a day is the norm and weekends aren't protected. I dislike having to network for clients for business development in order to advance my career. Given the high attrition rate among junior lawyers (60% in the first 5 years), I doubt that I can remain in such a field for long. That 40% is reserved for people who are much more motivated and talented than me.
I would say that becoming an Industrial Systems / Environmental engineer would suit my interests and STEM portfolio better. The job scope still involves advisory work while negating the issues I have with practising law. I will definitely apply for both these courses (along with the MND and HDB undergrad scholarships) next year.
The main issue? I don't know whether I'm ready to move on from law. I thought that placing law as my sole admissons choice was an informed decision. I was motivated by the books I read about law school and legal principles. I was inspired by the public trials I observed at the State Courts. Heck, my #2 favourite musical is Legally Blonde which I can't even bring myself to see this year (but do go watch it, Nathania Ong is starring as Elle. Use your Culture Pass credits). Of course, the prestige was an incentive too, but that was never the main focus.
How can I be sure that I genuinely want to let go of it all when I was dead set on becoming a lawyer less than a month ago? That's why as crazy as it sounds, I want to get an admissions offer into NUS law with the intent of sincerely rejecting it. I want to prove to myself that my pivot back to engineering is a practical decision and not some coping response to rejection.
Y'all am I being reasonable or is this giving abandonment issues