Full disclosure, I'm not diagnosed with anything involving psychosis right now [major depressive + GAD at the moment], so I might be wrong in posting here but out of everything I've seen and experienced, things seem to align most with something psychotic. I apologize if I'm in the wrong space.
I'm 23, and ive been struggling a lot more than usual lately. Ive been mentally unwell most my life, but havent been able to get connected with resources that properly address the severity of things.
The past two months have been full of thoughts about my friends and partners plotting against me or having secret motives, or lying to me. I feel like I can't trust anything they say or do as genuine. Ive lost interest in my hobbies and interests, and I dont know how to describe things as anything other than "im in pain" all of the time. I get panic attacks on a whim and I feel floaty and weird, like nothing i do matters or can be rolled back, like a save in a video game. That what I do doesn't have consequences. I feel like I can't get my thoughts in order and Im way more forgetful than usual. My life currently revolves around this paranoia. But, ive experienced some degree of paranoia most of my life [poisoned food + what i type being transmitted to the government in childhood and being able to will tragedies and horrible world events into being just by thinking about it in teen and adulthood] so im not sure how reasonable it is. This feels a lot stronger than it usually is for me.
I tried to start a conversation about seeing and hearing and sometimes smelling or tasting things that aren't there to my doctor the other day but they said it was anxiety and started me on an anti anxiety medication in addition to my current antidepressant. Im not gonna be able to talk about meds for another 6 weeks and honestly im not sure im gonna be able to hold crisis and impulses at bay since my impulse control has been terrible since this all started 2 months ago.
I dont know what to do but I need help with this paranoia. Im pushing away everyone I love and its not helping my current mental state to be alone.
I dont know what to do. Sorry for the rambling.
Edit: I rarely drink, dont do drugs of any kind [including cannabis], so i dont think its intoxication. I work full time and manage to shower and clean myself for the most part. I'm currently on bupropion and buspirone.