Everytime I have sex, something goes wrong. It's been 10 months.
In the past it was yeast infection (candida). Every single time. And my boyfriend tested negative for it and in my last vaginal swab everything else (ureoplasma etc) was fine. And I take probiotics, I use a body wash that was given to my by the gynaecologist and before touching me with mouth or hands down there my boyfriend always washes his hands and mouth).
I was always told to use vaginal ovuli and take fluoconazol. Every time. Then I had sex, and it started all over again.
This time it looked like I was all better again, we figured it was because of our lube. For a couple of days after 4 months without having sex I had normal vaginal discharge, and then one day, out of the blue, I was feeling kind of dry and my mucus had a creamier texture. No smell, no itching. Everyone told me that in your luteal phase it can be normal, and it's the phase I'm in, even though these had also always been the symptoms of my latest yeast infections (oily/creamy texture and dryness, even if actually when I had it this discharge used to be thicker and leave a yellowish trail on my underwear, and now it's not happening, which is from stops me from absolutely freaking out and thinking it could be some sort of irritation or allergy? Omg I'm confused I don't know).
I decided to have sex again either way. And now my mucus is kind of oily/dry/creamy. No smell, no itching, and a slight pain whenever I touch it in the lower part of my vagina.
I'm planning of waiting a little bit, mostly because I should get my period in a couple of days. If I don't and it's late, like it always happens when I feel this stressed, then I'll catch the opportunity and I'll go see my gynocologist.
Ps. Our last intercourse was a bit rough and he used some sort of delaying condom. He told me that its substances only have effects on the man, for they're on the inside of the condom, but I did experience lower sensibility and no pleasure at all.
Please help.
You don't have to read what follows. I just need to talk to someone but I don't want to feel like a burden to my bf nor to by best friend
I feel terrible. I know it's literally nothing compares to what some people go through, and of course, I am absolutely glad and thankful for the life I have. It's just...draining. Mostly because me worrying about it and thinking about it ruins my days and drains my energies. My boyfriend is a real man. He supports me and calms me and tells me it's not my fault, and he still want to be with me. But deep inside I am imploding. I feel like wretch. I feel like I'm less of a woman than others. I feel like I will never have a normal sex life. I feel like he will eventually get tired or watch porn or worst, sleep with another girl. I don't actually think he would. But when my mind starts spiralling well, there you go. I am jealous of my female friends who can have sex normally and freely. I hate them when they talk about it. I hate myself and my boyfriend. Ever since I started have sex, my life quality has become lower. I actually wish he would leave me and I could get cured and never get it again by never sleeping with any man ever again. Even though I love him and I want him as a life companion . I don't wanna feel like this everytime I have sex. I don't wanna have to "live with it". I wanna feel all normal and healthy again. I hate myself for it and I don't even care if someone thinks I'm exaggerating. I don't care. I'm just tired and I wish I had never had sex. I cry every day because of it