u/Clear_Design_6795

Last relapse (a month ago) I was subjected to upwards of 25 phone calls a day. I answered because the back of my head always had a "what if the one time you don't answer is the time he means it" lingering there.

He tried to put me on the phone to goblins he could see. He told me he was drowning in a pool of blood. Said he had been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Told me he wanted me to watch him die. Told me he was about to cut his throat, going to jump out of a window. I called an ambulance for him even though I knew they would just sober him up and send him away again. (He lives the other side of the country) And that's if he made it that far and didn't discharge himself as soon as he started to sober up.

But this time, I've hit a wall. I have no sympathy, no fear, no sadness. Only anger.

I think this shook him. He's tried the usual tricks of telling me if I don't listen to him (the few words I can actually make out) then he will kill himself, he's tried playing me off against other family members and telling them I've said things I havent. He has tried the usual lies, the usual begging for help. But I've just stayed completely stoic and indifferent. He asked me to call him an ambulance this morning because he was suicidal and I refused. I told him to do it himself if he was that concerned and scared and I hung up. Which is way out of my comfort zone and upset me. He has called another family member (who is at a hospital watching their friend pass away who has just had life support switched off, which he knows) to tell them he's going to kill himself and that he's called an ambulance.

I feel so horrible for saying it, but it's for attention and sympathy because he is not not getting the financial support to drink and the "there there" approach he usually gets. He does it every time, when he's exhausted everyone's patience, he cries wolf and takes himself to hospital every time and round and round we go in the cycle.

I was on fluoxetine for about 5 years, 60mg a day.

However...I was taking it whilst in a very stressful situation, and honestly I think I've blanked alot of details of that time out. When that situation ended, I slowly started decreasing it and have been meds free for 18 months.

I've been doing great up until the last two months when I've started seeing signs of depression and anxiety creeping back up on me (with a new stressful situation, yay for me!). So I have reached out to my Dr and agreed to start a low dose of 10mg to get me over the hill.

As I said before, I seem to have blanked alot of the time I was on it before out. I can't remember how impactful the medicine is, or at least the finer details of it. I know it helped overall, but I dont remember how I coped with new stress factors at the time.

The new situation ebbs and flows. Sometimes there's a few days when things are fine, and I feel ok. Then something happens and I'm having days of just disassociating and feeling extremely low, barely able to get out of bed.

My question, for anyone who has been able to follow this far, is will it make a marked difference on those bad days? I know it doesn't make sadness disappear entirely and obviously doesn't fix external factors, but in my head I'm thinking "im still going to come down with a bump on those stressful days" and wondering if it will make the difference in keeping me a little more level headed and make things a little more manageable in my head on those days?

To be clear, I will be taking it daily, on the good and bad days. I just wonder how much of a difference it will make for those bad days. So anyone who has similar "ups and downs" with life that can articulate how this has worked for them, I would very much appreciate your input!