Throwaway account for privacy (and fake names used)
I (34NB), was in a long term relationship with Alison (40F), which I realised towards the end was abusive so I ended it.
Before our relationship ended, I started dating Blaine (28M) and Courtney (33F) who are also in a relationship. They have a separate partner Dale (33M) who has another partner Elle (32NB)
Blaine and Courtney had a lot of trouble with Elle, justifiably as Elle is not a good person. Everything blew up at the start of this year, I broke up with Alison and Blaine and Courtney decided they couldn't have Elle in their lives anymore
Since then, Alison and Elle have become an item, and Alison has also started dating Dale
Herein starts the problem. Our polycule was fairly close up until the start of this year, we would all chat all the time online and make plans to hang out. When we cut off Elle, the agreement was just that Dale would make separate plans and group chats so they wouldn't have to deal with each other
Last month I found out Alison and Dale were now dating each other, and this has made me really uncomfortable. I didn't know Dale super well but we were friendly, plus they are my meta so I wanted to be on good terms with them. But knowing they are dating someone who hurt me so badly has really messed with my head. Dale doesn't know what went on between us, and I feel like it's not my place to explain to him what happened, especially as it will just be my word against Alison's. But everytime I see Dale pop up in a group chat now I just can't handle the idea of them being so close to my abuser and still talking to me
A secondary part of this is that since everything blew up, Dale has had very little to do with Blaine and Courtney, barely chatting and never making plans to spend time together. It feels like Dale has decided to make Alison and Elle his priority, but doesn't have the decency to fully tell Blaine and Courtney this. I think they both deserve so much better, but neither of them have expressed issue with this situation outwardly and it's not my place to interfere with their other relationships
I don't really know how to handle this situation, I feel bad cutting off Dale completely for the sake of my partners, but Dale really is making me uncomfortable, both on my part and theirs