WIBTA if I tell my partner I am going to start skipping group hangouts until he actually addresses someone whose behavior has been bothering me for months
I want to be upfront that I am not asking him to cut anyone out. that is not who I am and it is not what I am asking for.
my partner has a close friend group he has known for years. I genuinely like most of them. there is one person whose dynamic with my partner has been sitting wrong with me for a while and I have tried to write it off as my own stuff but I cannot keep doing that.
she inserts herself into his emotional state in group settings in a way that feels less like friendship and more like she is reminding everyone she was there first. she references shared history at moments that feel pointed. she sends him private messages after hangouts checking in on him in ways that go beyond what I would call normal. he showed me one because he thought it was odd, then defended her when I suggested he say something.
last week she used something personal from his past as a kind of reminder in front of me. he got stiff and shut it down but in the car afterward I found out what she had been referencing and why it landed the way it did.
I have not skipped any hangouts yet. I have not issued any ultimatums. but I am genuinely considering telling him that I plan to step back from these events for a while and that I would like him to actually address the dynamic with her before I feel comfortable going back.
he thinks I am reading too much into it and that she is just socially awkward.
WIBTA if I do this?
TLDR: considering telling my partner I will skip group hangouts for a while until he addresses someone whose behavior toward him feels territorial rather than friendly. have not done it yet. he thinks I am overreacting. wondering if stepping back would make me wrong.