AIO? She got caught. What choice do I have?
My (34M) fiancée (33F) and mother of my child, whom I have been with for 5 years and was planning on marrying in the fall, has been inappropriately confiding in another man online. I just found out yesterday, the day before Mother’s Day. I didn’t want to spend Mother’s Day like this but my mind is all over the place right now.
We were at the beach yesterday morning. She was out body boarding in the waves, and I was with my toddler son who gets upset and scared when she’s in the water. I got my fiancées phone to try and keep him distracted, and when I opened it she was apparently messaging this random guy overseas on Instagram. He was asking her why she was avoiding him and she responded that she had been stressed because of our relationship and goes on about how I mistreat her. This caught me by completely surprise. She realizes something is up and comes back immediately to get her phone and I confront her. She tells me it’s just a friend that she talks to because he’s a “Christian”. I’m in immediate disbelief, pack our stuff, and leave. She tries to stop me saying it’s not what it looks like and is beginning to cry and make a scene in public. We get to the truck and she won’t give me the keys because she wants to talk. I tell her to show me the messages and she hesitantly gives me her phone. I scroll back and she’s been messaging this dude for over a fucking year. She had sent pics and stuff to the guy, super long paragraphs of conversations between to the of them. She had talked to him about how she was leaving me last June because I was allegedly abusive and that she had “fallen in love with a lie”.
A little backstory, during that time last year we nearly split and had decided to go to couples therapy to try and fix our relationship. Before then there were two instances where she left the house and took my son from me after an argument, staying away for days at a time. After a lot of time and effort we seemed to be doing better and a few months ago we got engaged.
I have done everything on my end that I could for this woman. When we first met, she was in a bad living situation with addiction and supposed abuse from past relationships and family, not to mention on probation for drug charges, and I helped get her out of it. When she first got pregnant I went back to school to get my masters, got a high paying job, got us a house, and set her up so she didn’t have to work. I have NEVER laid a hand on her or abused her like she says she has endured in her past relationships. She has this pattern of behavior where she seems to create conflict out of nothing, which then creates distance between us, and she blames me saying I’m abusive.
Anyways, on the ride hope she’s begging me to talk, crying hysterically, saying she loves me and has never cheated. I refuse as there’s really nothing much to be said on my end. I see it as emotional infidelity. At home, I tell her I can’t be around her and that I’m leaving the house. She tries to stop me. I then tell her it’s either me or her that’s leaving. That she can go to her friends house or somewhere else like she has done before. I give her the keys and walk away. She leaves with my son and I haven’t reached out or heard anything. I’m honestly fed up and I think this is the last straw and that I should cancel the engagement and consider filing for joint custody and just moving on with my life.
Am I overreacting?