u/Clear-Egg3274

okay so I am very positive I do have extreme agoraphobia, I've had it ever since I was 9 years old after getting assaulted by my mother's boyfriend,

so let me just say some things, when I was 8 my assault happened, it completely messed me and my head up, I could barely go outside that year because I was afraid of it happening to me again, then over the years I completely isolated myself, I missed over 3 years of school because of my fear of people seeing me because I thought I was a walking corpse. I thought I looked disgusting and impure and didn't want anyone to see me, and I was still afraid of someone doing that to me again, it wasn't so bad those years but when I turned 12-13 I thought it was getting better because I started to go outside more to play with friends!! but then someone triggered me before I switched houses, so I completely stopped going outside again, I was now FULLY isolating myself, it got so bad I puked everytime I even got near the front door, when I looked outside I got sick, when I even thought of leaving my house or going downstairs to my living room I puked. I'm currently stuck upstairs because my stupid mind thinks the downstairs of my house is dangerous.

I'm really sorry if I said too much or that I'm venting, I have no friends, no partner, and no one else to tell. My siblings don't get it, my mom won't help me, and my grandmother doesn't care either, all the adults think it's just a phase or that I'm just lying about it to stay inside.

I just really need help. I wanna be successful, I want to go to school, I want to be smart, I want to get a job, and I wanna be able to go outside with my siblings. I don't wanna be like this forever!! I really don't. My life is already ruined by my other mental illnesses and I don't want this one to ruin me even more

again I'm so sorry if I'm venting or saying to much!! I just really needed to get this out of my head and tell someone, I hope I find someone who understands ☹️