I've been wanting to post here for a few years now for some insights and finally am today. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years now and a lot of things have happened. I'll try to keep it as short but concise as possible.
He was the one to approach me first and we were never really friendly from the start. We would subtly flirt so we didn't start off as friends. He seemed so honest and genuine, something i never found in other guys. I have always had major trust issues but he seemed different (spoiler alert: i was wrong lol)
We were proper "boyfriend girlfriend" in 2020. In 2021, i found out that a girl he claimed was his girl best friend, was actually someone he was flirting with. I wouldn't mind if it was before me but it was during me. Like during our whole talking stage and only stopped talking to her about 2 weeks into our relationship. He was saying the same things to her as he was with me. Not just flirting either but telling her he loves her and NSFW texts and pictures. Even went physical while i was waiting for him to reply my text that one night. If i had known he was with another girl, i would have left them alone. He said she was just a best friend. I recently found other flirty texts with another girl but he claims it wasn't flirting and that he didn't like her that way.
I used to not mind the OF or random girls he followed on social medias but i grew insecure and had trust issues after that incident. It didn't help either that he said he didn't like these girls, just followed them for their bodies. He was also following an old schoolmate of mine and said "you should workout so you can look like her". I communicated that i'm uncomfortable with his following and it took me years for him to properly understand this boundary.
In 2022, he DMed a girl on vanish mode and told her he'd ask her out followed with "jkjk". He's not private with our relationship on his social media so when she asked "i though you had a girlfriend?", he responded "it's complicated" which we weren't. We weren't arguing at the time and had spent time with each other just the day before. When i said he cheated on me, he said he was just joking. I found out because the girl took screenshots and send them to me.
2023: he had always been following girls on tiktok. He would unfollow when i reiterated my boundary, then follow them again when we were okay. There was one girl in particular i was most insecure of. I asked him to block her (which was the only person i have ever asked him to block whereas he has asked me to block a few guys) but i found out that he would unblock her to watch her videos then block her again. I found screenshots of her tiktok gym video on his phone too. He said he just wanted to look at her face but they were screenshots of her doing RDLs and squats. Mind you, this was in his Files and not camera roll.
2024: i found out he made a second tiktok account but didn't find anything bad. But then i found out a few hours after our 4th anniversary dinner (which he forgot and did nothing), he had logged in. This was about 5am and we were calling, i was asleep. Surprise surprise, his watch history was filled with girls and the gym girl. He said he was just curious. Additionally, he said he can unfollow girls once he has found them ugly but since i asked him to block that particular girl, it's like he was still curious. Now, our anniversary date just reminds me of what he did.
I've told him before that if it's not a boundary he can accept, he can let me know but he said it's something he can respect. So him saying he respects me but continuously going behind me just sucks.
I know i seem really stupid for not leaving. I've tried breaking up multiple times but it never seems to be for good. He even passed out when i broke up with him in person. I've never told anyone about these things. Maybe because i know they would hate him. The thing is (and not in a naive way), he is the sweetest person ever to me. He really cares about me and loves me and he understands me. I would say he knows me better than i know myself. My family loves him too. But behind my back, i don't know who he is. We've always seen each other pretty often and facetime every night. Every time he does these things, he said he'll change and actually, it has been a year since he has done something similar.
I try my best to move past it and forget but obviously i'm not. I'm so consumed and haunted by these things. Sometimes I try to talk to him but he hates thinking about the past. I just feel it's unfair how i'm suffering over the things he has done to me but he doesn't need to face it anymore. I would forget about the past if it was that easy for me too.
TLDR; Can a person really change? Is a lying relationship worth saving? Is this something i should forgive and forget? am i overreacting?
Would greatly appreciate any help. Thank you