M17, F17 What should be done?
Hi everyone.
So my bf and I kinda are going through it right now and its hard to explain our relationship but we have been together for 5+ months and both of our views on our relationship are very different.
Our main problem is: I dont like labels but I am an avoidant and he is anxious. (The attachment styles) He is not a secure boy and struggles with trust due to his past experiences and me breaking his trust. We have both made lots of mistakes but somehow mine always outweigh his.
The other problem is we have where when we first started dating this one boy would be the middle man in our relationship. As in we would both run to him to know about how the other person was feeling in the middle of a conflict. And one time our FIRST heated argument which happened in school, I ran to the boy after school since I had already planned to discuss my thoughts with him (since he was the middle man) and my boyfriend and I were on the verge of breaking up so me and that guy hung out. My boyfriend is very convinced I am cheating on him with that boy. He has gone through my phone multiple times (we both go through each others phonees for fun) and has seen I havent talked to that guy since my bf thought he liked me and also like other stuff. But my bf continues to be very firm on it and has been stuck on that. He screenshots the times he is active on social media and tries to match it with Me not talking to him or when we have an argument. In general, he does not trust me since I have broken promises and blah blah.
Other stuff is that he just never understands my perspective. He says he does, he is also very persistent and gets panic attacks whenever I want a break. A HEALTHY BREAK, he is against a break since he thinks im just gonna cheat on him and he doesnt trust me. He is very sensitive and I just can’t deal with arguing with someone every day to every other day, It has been this way for 2-3 months.
I know this might just seem like a stupid situation like break up with him and whatever. I know everyone feels this way about their partner. The reason I dont break up is because I am lonely platonically, I dont have my “friends base” anymore. And also he is my best friend and I love him a lot. He is my first kiss my first everything. Also we are in clubs together and all So I will have to see his face regardless. But I honestly can’t do anything and I feel so stuck.
Also his friends are my friends which make it worse, I dont want to lose any more friends. I have had to cut off many boy friends due to his insecurities and I have had arguments with them as well over him. I never asked to cut anybody off because I am secure.
We constantly have misunderstandings. He thinks I am being selfish and mean, sometimes I guess I am? (Only like once I was mean, I told him to stfu and that was literally it, he proceeded to tell his friends which are also my friends that I was mean to him.) I just want out. We have many more disagreements on intimacy (I believe he always expects intimacy from me and I just can't always do that, I have said it before. He wants intimacy because he says its his way of feeling loved and needed by me and it is a distraction, but when I dont want to do it as in im tired of doing it EVERYDAY he thinks im losing interest, btw I have communicated that I am not. ) and other things. We do communicate but keep in mind I am an avoidant and he is anxious.
I apologize I know this may not be a huge problem like every other post in here but I just need someone to talk to.