I would like some advice
So, I believe I am autistic based on behaviors I exhibited as a kid, however learned to mask. I struggled with understanding other people’s facial expressions (misinterpreting focus for anger), I didn’t and still don’t understand when to stop talking if I’m bothering someone, as a kid I would obsess over different book series and animals, I was extremely protective of animals- any animal but didn’t care much about humans, I categorized people as animals and in different ways to better understand them, had no spatial awareness, and would hum and talk to myself to calm down. I also had sensory problems- I couldn’t stand pencil scratching.
I stopped doing a lot of these things however, because I was abused by my teachers for them- and my mother trained me out of the spatial awareness and eye contact and made me stop stimming.
I also have noticed I tend to- mimic what people do- facial expressions and such in order to understand how people are feeling. Which leads me into my worry.
So, I worked with autistic adults for over two years and now autistic kids, which is how I started thinking over this. But- what if I’m just- mimicking again. What if I’m lying to myself- that it’s just my BPD that’s making me act the way I do- or do I not have BPD and actually am autistic but- more into this-
I want the diagnosis so I can- understand who I am, and if there was a reason my teachers hated me besides just- being a bad person. But- if I’m diagnosed- will it affect my job? Will I lose my job- I love working with the kids, I love making a difference so they can have the skills to navigate a world not made for them- and I don’t want to lose that.
Plus, the American Government isn’t- safe right now. If I was diagnosed- would it be knowledge that they could access- I just-
Based on the data above, would anyone autistic or in diagnostics say I’m autistic? And if I was officially diagnosed- would anyone be able to harm me based on that information?