My girlfriend (26 F) wants to rent her own place after we have been together for 6 years, and wants to keep being with me (25 M)
My girlfriend and I have been together for over 6 years, but we’ve never fully lived together.
When we were in university, we spent most of our time at my parents’ house because her home situation was difficult, and things worked well for us back then.
About 2 years ago, she got a great job opportunity around 3 hours away. My family happened to have a vacation home in that town, so she moved there during the week and comes back most weekends. She has never really wanted to stay there permanently because all her friends and family are here in our hometown.
We considered moving there together, but it would be difficult for me to relocate because of my work, so we kept doing long distance during the week.
Lately, though, she has been staying more often at her family’s house when she comes back because she’s tired of constantly moving her things between places, which I completely understand. I also realize I probably should make more effort to spend time at her place instead of always expecting her to come to mine.
Because of this, we started talking seriously about buying a house together. We’ve been looking for a few months, but haven’t found anything yet.
Yesterday she told me she strongly feels she needs to rent her own place first. She says she still wants to be with me and wants me there on weekends, but she feels she needs the experience of living independently and having her own space because it’s something she has always wanted to do for herself.
I’m struggling with how to feel about this. Part of me worries that if she rents her own place, it could delay us moving in together, building a future, starting a family, etc. It also feels strange to think of myself as “visiting” her place rather than building a shared home together.
At the same time, I understand why independence might be important to her, especially since she never really had that experience before.
Has anyone been in a similar situation where one partner wanted to live alone before moving in together? How did you handle it?
Edit: I have suggested we both rent a place instead of buying (I don’t like the idea of renting but I would be open to it) but she really wants to be alone in this.
Edit2: We have also discussed marriage but I am the one more “interested” in it. She also does want, but she wants this break first.