Me and my friend have been really good friends for 4 years, I believed he was the only person who truly truly understands me. In a lot of ways he has transformed me into a better person, he’s a very important person to me and I love him so so so much but not romantically.
We used to go no contact for around 3-4 months because he liked me romantically but I didn’t and I have given so many thoughts about whether I liked him romantically or not but the answer is always no, so in order to remain good friends in the future he needs to stop loving me so that he could find someone else because his love life is very important to him,he wants a life partner and he can’t find that person if I’m still talking to him and being so special to him (this is literally his words I am not making this up). After this no contact period ended I started to talk to this male friend and he became my safe space again. And I thought he cleared all the feelings he has for me.
Yesterday he told me that since we’re graduating and my life looks like it’s going well and maybe I don’t need him to consult my emotions anymore, he asked me to stop texting him at all from the same reason (he can’t focus on his love life which is really important to him) Our friendship was primarily online but yesterday we were taking face to face and I got to see the look of love and sadness in his eyes when he was looking at me, and it hurts me more to know that I couldn’t love him and be with him romantically. I feel like there’s something wrong with me, how can I find love if I don’t even romantically attracted to someone like him? We were both crying and have decided to stop talking entirely. Now I know that’s the right choice, everything makes sense, we need to lose something so that we can grow but I just can’t help thinking about the quality of my life now that we don’t talk, now that I lose the only person who understands me and wondering if I will ever meet someone who genuinely gets me and loves me this much.
I want to ask for suggestions on what I should do to move on from not having him in my life anymore. Do you think it’s a fair judgement to be thinking that I’ll never find love because I’m not even attracted to the person who understands and sees through me? and if you have a similar experience, please share how did you navigate this tough time?