Hello- 44(F) Anxious married to 43(M) Avoidant most likely DA. Looking back on on our dating relationship, someone should have probably told us not to get married. Not only was it toxic, but it was very much one sided on my part. There were things I missed, but being young, they were easily explained away. We have been together almost 25 years and married almost 20 with 2 teenage children. If there is a different subreddit, please point me to it. I believe I saw this information somewhere and I'm no longer able to locate it.
6 months into our marriage I got pregnant with our son and that is when I realized things were "off". That continued and escalated only to find out that he had several addictions that continued up to our 10 year anniversary. During that time we had also had a daughter. Once he got sober, then the pandemic hit and we worked together from home, things got worse. One of the addictions had continued but I couldn't help but feel I was invisible either which eventually lead to a mental breakdown in 2022 and 2024.
I'm looking for either an article or it was something on reddit that spoke about something like this or if someone could help explain what happened. Even though I was Anxious, when he was an alcoholic, I was very much capable, a wonderful mother, community member and employee.
I had read this article or maybe it was someone's perspective that helped to explain why I had what I think is almost like a complete personality change.
We are both in therapy at this time, but I go weekly and he goes every 3 weeks.