Emotional roller coaster while living together
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
We (40m 42f) are 2 months into an "amicable divorce process" and my stbx is driving me insane. They asked for a divorce numerous times, and I finally caved. Twice. The first time we kissed and made up and lasted a few years, but I, for one, never really got over it. When divorce started being threatened again. When it started being used as a control mechanism again, I said let's do this.
They're going to keep the house. I don't want it, they have their reasons for staying. But I've been advised not to move out until things are final.
I have moved on emotionally, and I'm sort of biding my time. The problem is that it's just so... normal. We're still both full-time parents, still living and coparenting together. They're being nice. More than nice. Affectionate. Loving. Sometimes we have sex, which is obviously nice, but I'm pretty clear every time about what it doesn't signify. My mind is made up.
Of course it's easier for them now. I stopped caring about what they do, so there is no pressure. I'm withdrawing so they're reaching. Maybe it's just comfort and familiarity. They're talking about wanting to travel together and telling me they love me. I am looking towards the future and I don't really know how to process this.
I don't think they have processed what it really means to get divorced, even now. I don't think they realize that saying they wanted it over and over already made me force myself to wall off that part of my heart. I don't think they realize that they won't be able to count on me for emotional support anymore. That I don't want to make fun plans with them. I know I shouldn't have sex with them but a fucked up part of me is enjoying the irony of them reaching when they spent their whole marriage withdrawing.
Has anybody else dealt with this? Should I be worried about their reaction when we get closer to finalizing? How did it go for you?