Is my mom AITA for refusing to attend her nephew’s wedding because the venue is illegally banning my service dog?
Hi Reddit. I’m posting this for my mom because she’s too close to the situation and I told her I’d outsource the moral verdict to the internet.
I’m 22F and I have a medical alert + psychiatric service dog that I’ve had for five years. She allows me to function safely and independently. She is not a pet. She is federally protected medical equipment with better public manners than most humans.
My mom and I handle conflict differently. I’m a “please don’t escalate this” person. My mom is a “the ADA exists and I will cite it” person.
My cousin (35M) is getting married this winter. My mom and he have always been very close. When the wedding was announced, my mom reminded them that I have a service dog and would need her with me. They said they’d check with the venue.
Two months later, my mom received a text saying I’m welcome — but my service dog is not allowed because the venue “doesn’t allow dogs.”
Important: this is not a pet policy situation. Service dogs are legally protected under the ADA. The venue is open to the public and, per state law, is required to allow service animals.
My aunt (the groom’s mom) says it’s not their fault the venue is breaking the law and that the bride has her heart set on this location. She thinks my mom should just attend alone so she doesn’t miss a once-in-a-lifetime event.
Proposed “solutions” have included:
- My mom goes alone and leaves me home across the country.
- I travel but stay in the hotel.
- I leave my service dog in the hotel room (which defeats the entire purpose of a service dog).
If my mom pushes the ADA issue, there’s a chance the venue could retaliate and cancel the booking. None of us want to blow up their wedding. The bride deserves her dream venue. They didn’t intentionally exclude me — the venue created this problem.
My mom’s position is that she doesn’t feel right attending a major family event that effectively excludes her daughter. Instead of spending thousands to attend a wedding I cannot properly attend, she suggested celebrating them separately and giving a generous gift.
My aunt thinks she’s being dramatic and selfish.
For transparency: I personally don’t think my mom is the AH. I understand why she feels hurt and protective, and I also understand why she doesn’t want to celebrate somewhere that won’t legally accommodate her daughter. At the same time, I know weddings are emotional and complicated, and I don’t want her to damage lifelong relationships if she is overreacting.
So Reddit — is my mom the AH if she chooses not to attend in solidarity with me?