I think I have a bit of distrust in my girlfriend. I don’t really know for sure but I don’t want to bring it up to her because then she’ll feel like shit and think I hate her. But don’t I hate her at all. It’s just sometimes she does these things that are small, but I find myself thinking back on it a lot of the time.
This is my first ever relationship we’re both still in high school, and what makes it worse it that we are long distance and met online, havent even met in person yet. I’m pretty sure I’m just an insecure loser or some idiot who thinks my standards aren’t high even though they might be.
We’ve been on a long distance relationship for 7 months. Before these past 7 months we broke up after a 2 year relationship in February because I felt like I didnt love her, I was always busy and never had much time. So over the summer I worked on myself and tried to ignore her, but for some reason we kept talking and texting each other. The one deal breaker for me that I told myself that I would not get back with her was that she was “raped” when she was on some hang out with a few friends, and when she was last to be picked up she did the whole thing. But she says she said no and that’s it. No one got in trouble, I don’t even know for sure that she told her parents. When she told me about it months later she told me that “her body liked it but her mind didn’t” I was disgusted and confused, like wdym you didn’t do shit afterwards, or what do you mean all you did was say no?? I feel like an asshole for saying all of this but I’m so lost right now in our relationship that I just had to write this all out.
She’s called multiple men online hot while we’re on call together, and I’ve made it know that I think it’s weird to do that. I don’t find anyone else attractive but her and she knows that. Yet when she does it then it’s just some joking around even though I know I sound uncomfortable or irritated by it.
She one time asked for a dildo “jokingly” but when she was asking she was dead serious and only said it was a joke because she didn’t like that I thought that it was odd and kinda weird. I was very surprised because she doesn’t seem the type to want to have that thing or even think about that stuff. And it just made me feel insecure.
This one’s small bit she checks my socials and goes through my followers and following and interrogates me about who she, when all I follow are girls that are my sisters friends, that’s it. I don’t follow any girls in my grade or any girls who randomly follow me. But when I talked about it she said that she’ll unfollow all the random boys in her social. Yet that never happened and I know if I bring it up she’ll get in an uncomfortable mood.
At work she always wears the same few clothing items, these tight pants and this tight jacket that she never zips up. I always tell her when I have the chance to zip up. Yet she gets mad and says “no one looks”. I’m a dude, yes everyone looks. And when I tell her this she jokingly plays with her chest to tease me, knowing I don’t like it. (She also one time told me that she gets good tips from it. It was out of nowhere so I barely got to react to that.)
If I’m in the wrong please tell me and be brutally honest about this all. I feel horrible for even saying all this but I don’t know what else to do, I want to marry this girl but I’m so lost.
(First time writing on Reddit so if I didn’t do this right then sorry 🙏)