u/Classic_Ad5727

I absolutely hate hate hate the weather in Washington state. I’m going there for a week and it’s going to be overcast and rainy! I seriously almost don’t want to go. It actually gives me anxiety that the weather is gonna be bad (bad for me, others like it) for a whole week. It feels like I just won’t enjoy myself. (I definitely will) but I just really really really really need the sun on my skin :(
And overcast hurts my eyes!!! I HATE when the sky and the concrete ground are the same color. Grey. It’s so depressing. A whole week with that weather… :(

I have real anxiety about it.

I want to live in Florida. It’s my kinda place. Nobody cares. They just bring up political stuff. Like I don’t have to deal with that everywhere. Like I don’t already live in a place where people have different morals and ideals than me and my family.

Stop pretending every single person and place in a red state is bad and every single person and place I. A blue state is good, I’m telling you that’s wrong.

I just want the sun the beach and the Everglades and it doesn’t even matter why the reason I just want to. I don’t get why people can’t just see my excitement for what i is instead of trying to change my mind and point out everything wrong with something.

Like damn

I was just mad earlier…. Some of the stuff is still true but I don’t think I actually care as much I thought.

I’m having these thoughts like I feel like I’m a better person than my friend. She’s really selfish and will try to get away with anything she can, instead of just doing the right thing to begin with, or apologizing and making it up.

There are just certain things she’s done that I have never and would never do to anyone. She really pissed me off when she fucked me over for money, so this is coming from a place of anger but I think it’s justified. And I’m mostly angry at myself for trusting her.

My life is just harder than hers. Sorry. At least from an outside perspective. We’ve been friends since middle school and we’re nearing 30. I grew up in an abusive household, I’ve been in and out of hospitalization. I have to pay rent and go to school and work. All she has to do is go to school.

But when I think about it. I’m glad I have my life not hers. Even if her life isn’t actually better, and there’s things she deals with that I don’t know about, I do have to work harder. That’s a fact. Just by numbers, she has 3 classes, I have 10. (She’s undecided and my degree program is demanding) I pay thousands in rent, bills, food, transportation, and school expenses every month. She pays $0. She lives rent free, her parents buy and cook her food. Her mom is an amazing cook haha. She goes to school 2 (maybe 3?) days a week, I go to school 4 days a week, and work 8 hours a day the other three days of the week. I literally have no day off! And I can’t take a day off, or else I can’t pay rent! (I’m so ready for summer 😭)
I also live away from home and my s/o. She lives AT home and near her bf. Like I just literally have more going on in my life, more to juggle, more to struggle, more to work on. I work 3 days a week, she works 0 days a week.

But here’s the thing, she has a kid and an ex husband. And I don’t have any of that baggage. I have my work ethic, my education, and a job I love. I also love myself. That’s something new for me lol, but I love being me I think I am cool and I am happy with the way my life is. It’s really hard to be busy absolutely all the time but I’m just hoping I will get a really nice actual decompressing break this summer :(

I shouldn’t compare myself to others, especially when I like my life so much. But I was just thinking about how she screwed me over and doesn’t really care. She doesn’t care, otherwise she would have actually tried to make it right. But she doesn’t.

It makes me feel better when I tell myself I’m a better person than her, cause I wouldn’t do that. If roles were reversed everything would have worked out and we would have had a great time. But it didn’t work out, and we didn’t have an any kind of a time, and she doesn’t care. I care though, and I plan on making it up to myself, since I made the mistake of trusting her. I really cannot wait to make it up to myself, I’m just really broke right now.