u/Classic_Abroad517

Hello. I’m a male in my late 40s.

I’ve been struggling with compulsive sexual acting out, primarily in the form of pornography and escorts for around 20 years now. I use stimulants to intensify those experiences. For the last three years, I’ve started smoking crack while acting out primarily with pornography, but also with escorts these end up being tend to 15 hour sessions while using. The progression in drugs has went from cocaine to mdma to meth to crack. Also prescribed stims.

I realize that the best thing for me would be to go to inpatient rehab, but the fact is, I just can’t afford it right now. I checked into various sex addiction oriented treatment programs. The prices astronomical and my insurance does not cover it. Therefore, I am exploring reconnecting with 12 step fellowships, trying to find some spirituality in my life and also reaching out in places like this sub Reddit.

My pattern is using every 3 to 4 weeks currently. I can put it down return to all my normal activities, just filled with remorse, regret and intention to recover. Two weeks later, I start to get cravings again and I make the decision rationalizing to pick up again.

So I’m here to just reach out and try to get help. I reached out to former AA connection earlier today and asked if he would be willing to sponsor me even temporarily. I also reached out to the local SAA chapter in my city to obtain meeting locations and online links for meetings.

The challenge that I found in the past is connection and willingness to go through the discomfort of being in a group. I tend to find the flaws instead of the positives in the groups I attend, and that drives me back out the doors and back into the throes of my problem. I know that it’s tied to intimacy challenges, probably some trauma, but just that awareness has not been enough to keep me in the rooms, which is why I think I need something more intensive in order to establish a foundation of clean times.

But since I’m limited financially, I am reaching out here just to express my thoughts and see what you all think.

Thanks!

48yo. Crack + sex addiction. Using once every few weeks. Been in therapy for years. Tried getting involved in various support groups. Outpatient. 12 step. Church. Smart recovery.recovery dharma. They all have some great traits but I seem to be resistant to groups.

Solid career but very demanding and high stress. A lot of recent changes and now would not be a good time to step away. I’ve also dug a huge financial hole with debt.

I believe I need treatment with focus on the sex aspect. I’m just terrified of stepping away from work even though I’m protected under FMLA. And my insurance coverage is not great so it’s going to be expensive, digging the financial hole deeper.

I’ve been to rehab before but the circumstances were different. This is so heavy. I can’t believe I’m here but I need to find it in me to do what’s right.

Anyone have similar experience or hope to share?